How is interpersonal conflict born? How does it last?
From dissimilarity, which may be passing in the form of moods or lasting in the form of beliefs and personality.
2 reasons that conflict is inescapable.
- Moods and preferences of any 2 ppl will differ at some pt.
- There are certain tensions that are woven into the fabric of close relationships that will sooner or later always cause strain.
Term for opposing motivations that can never be entirely satisfied b/c they contradict ea/ other.
Eg. autonomy and connection or openness and closedness or stability and change
Dialectics
There are 4 main dialectics- how much do these account for couples’ recent fights and arguments?
more than 1/3
6 major influences that are correlated with the amount of conflict in one’s life.
- Personality- neuroticism vs agreeableness
- Attachment style- secure vs anxious or avoidant
- Stage of life- YA might experience more conflict
- Similarity- aka compatability
- Sleep- often sleep less after a quarrel
- Alcohol- for men especially- fuel to fire
3 topics that come up the most in spousal disagreements
- How to manage/care/discipline kids
- Household chores
- Communication
(#6= financial: is particularly potent)
Events that instigate conflicts that fall into 4 categories according to Peterson
- Criticism-
- Illegitimate Demands- requests that seem unjust b/c they exceed the normal expectations that the ps hold for ea. other
- Rebuffs- person doesn’t respond to a bid as expected
- Cumulative Annoyance- trivial events that become annoying through repetition
______ guarantee that partners will have slightly different explanations for their actions than anyone else does. While __________ lead them to judge their own actions more favorably than others do. What happens if these differing views create a problem?
- Actor-observer effects
- Self-serving biases
- Attributional conflict
2 ways that partners can say mean things to one another.
- Direct- explicitly challenge the partners and are in one’s face
eg. accusations, hostile commands, antagonistic questions or sarcastic put downs. - Indirect- less straightforward
eg. condescension, implied negativity, dysphoric affect, attempts to change convo or remarks that fail to recognize the partner or conflict.
Term for when the partners just say snarky things to one another and both get increasingly angry.
Negative affect reciprocity
Pattern where one prtn engages in demanding forms of behaviour such as complaints, criticisms and pressures for changes while the other partner engages in withdrawing forms of behaviour such as half-hearted involvment, changing the topic, avoiding discussion or just walking away.
Demand/Withdrawl pattern
What is one reason that women are more likely to be the demander and men to be the withdrawer?
social structure- power differences
The 4 different types of responses to conflict and dissatisfaction according to Rusbult.
- Voice
- Loyalty
- Exit
- Neglect
Active, constructive manner by trying to improve the situation by discussing matters with the partner or changing your behaviour.
Voice
Behaving in a passive but constructive manner by optimistically waiting and hoping things with improve.
Loyalty
Behaving in an actively destructive manner by leaving the partner or thretening to leave or being abusive.
Exit
Behaving in a passive but destructive manner by avoiding discussions of critica issues and decreasing interdependence with the partner.
Neglect
5 ways that conflicts can end according to Peterson
- Separation
- Domination- 1 partner gets their way
- Compromise- both reduce aspirations so can find a mutually acceptable alternative
- Integrative agreement- satisfy both org goals
- Structural improvement
Can couples change their styles of conflict?
Most don’t- but 20% of YA in a study did change their styles to become better
Technique that promotes the use of active listening skills and icreases the chances that partners will understand and validate ea/ other despite their disagreement.
Speaker-listening technique
What do couoples do in the speaker listening technique?
Ea/ gets a turn of talking without interruptions.
Use I statements- then the other partner paraphrases what the other one is saying. Then once the 1st person is satisfied with the para- they switch roles.
Can conflict be good for a rs?
Yes- it can allow for growth and prosperity. Eg. speaker-listener technique.
Can conflict be good for a rs?
Yes- it can allow for growth and prosperity. Eg. speaker-listener technique.
