Mainstream psychological approach: Steve duck ‘developing a steady and exclusive partnership’
- section from a book published in 1999 by Steve duck, whose work help establish the study of personal relationships as a field in psychology.
- the results of this study is based on subjects below the age of 30.
In this section of his book Steve Duck looks at courtship from different angles.
Courtship disaster:
- Courtship is a halfway house between casual dating and a stable exclusive relationship like marriage.
- love how it is expressed when two partners realise they are right for each other.
- the pressure for gay people to not show their love as well as people involved in affairs the way that heterosexuals are free to show their love.
- types of love between courtships, self sacrificing love showed by handing and God and romantic, erotic, passionate showed by everyone else. Creating different forms of love.
- styles of attachment : adults and children sharing the same style of attachment. Secured attachment, avoidant attachment, anxious attachment.fearful style and dismissive style.
- what predicts love and makes a relationship successful
- the cohabiting of couple and the negative results, low scale of romance although eventually tend to lead to marriage.. Whilst already married and cohabitation tends to lead to divorce.
- how personality factors can affect a relationship either positively or negatively depending on how the personality factors match between the couples.
How courtship grows:basic views.
- how couples make their relationship work.
- how they deal with conflict- when discussing non personal issues they are likely to come to a compromise. The success lies in the couple building a routine together.
- intimacy is very important in a relationship and it influences wether the relationship is a success or a failure.
- the ideal of marriage and how it’s different for everyone and is not just based on love.
- couples are attracted to each other by their share of values and beliefs as well the roles they play in their relationship.
Is courtship any different from any other relationship?
- Courtship comes before marriage but is the same in the way that you choose to be with only one partner an to only have sexual relationships with that person.
- courtship can be seen as temporary.. It mainly happens between 16-26 year old and is normally temporary. Of courtship was based only in love it would be another story.
- courtship is a test before marriage… It’s where you learn more about your partner and decide whether you want to be together long term.
Courtship and other expectations
- influence of friends and family
- impact on religion
- the role of being in a couple
Other aspects of courtship
- sex and society views, wether you can or can not have sex before marriage.
- how sex affects the relationship, wether it comes early on in the relationship or later on and how it builds up.
Dating violence
How couples work 4 types of courtship -Accelerated arrested - accelerated - intermediate - prolonged
The main point, however is that there is an important integration between development of feeling and the creation of joint pattern of activity for the spending of leisure time together.
Nancy Chodorow ‘the psychodynamic a of the family’
- taken from Chodorow book the reproduction of mothering is an example of psychoanalytical approach to close relationships.
- this reading is about the Oedipus complex of boys and girls growing up and their relationship with their mothers and fathers.
- mothers as seen a a primary object for both girls and boys and they seek to find that relationship in another adult as they grow up. Boys find it easier to find it amongst the women they date, the reason why is because women are likely to be in denial of their limitations in order to be loved. Men repress their feeling of wanting to be loved so it’s harder for the as father figures as well as given the bond and relationship that women seek. It’s likely that women are never fully satisfy with the care and love they receive from men so they either keep their mothers or sisters close or create very close friendships with other women.
- lesbian can only truly access the mother daughter bond but due to cultural pressure it doesn’t happen as often.
- women also tend to solve this need by having a child and cats get a triangle relationship like when they where a child.
- children get in the fathers way as the mother will dedicate ore time to the child.
- girls have a stronger bond with their other but at the same time they use their dads to separate themselves from their mums as their mums see them as equal, the love is not the same as their brother would be.
- although girls are likely to build strong relationships with their dads they would still not be the primary object.
- women are more romantic than men but have to adapt as they normally depend on them economically…lately more women have been able to divorce their partners as they can sustain themselves.
- men are likely to be more affected by their first adult beak up and find it harder to get back out there than women.
- the influence of parents opinions in relationships and their success
- men repress the need to love.
About close relationships
- close relationships are central to our lives
- there has been dramatic changes in relationship patterns since the Second World War.
-Changes in family patterns and attitudes towards relationships since the 50’s for example:
Increase in divorce
The declining popularity of marriage
Increase in cohabitation
Number I’d children’s being born outside marriages
