1
Q
Confirming Climate
A
- validation (a climate of ) of others
- can confirm while still saying no
- depends on whether I made you feel valued, safe, worth as a person, even if I didn’t give you the answer you wanted.
2
Q
Disconfirming Climate
A
- invalidates/decreases a person’s self-esteem
- can disconfirm even when saying yes
- disagreeing with a person turns out as hostile, people are afraid to speak
3
Q
Defensive Climate
A
- has become so disconfirming, people feel like they need to justify their actions and be ready to attack.
- “you look pretty today” “why, what do I usually look like”
- talk less than supportive, won’t admit to frailties/self disclose, more conflict, etc., will be self-protecting, less aggressive.
4
Q
Supportive Climate
A
- people feel free to voice their opinions; free to communicate and willing to take risks
- more free exchange of ideas than disconfirming, willingness to go back and forth, won’t kill the messenger.
5
Q
Fundamental Attribution Error
A
- basic mistake assumption about someone who is different
- usually includes stereotypes such as “women can’t drive”
- we attribute motives to people, reason for behavior. Your’e saying when other people do something it’s because of something bad about who they are.
- Do it with outsiders, not insiders. We excuse ourselves and our peeps, grind other people down.
6
Q
Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
A
- prophecy only comes true because I made a prediction about it
- this speech will be crappy… what are the odds they’ll give a great speech? math test?
- what counselor has to do with broken marriages is get them to stop assuming that their communication will go badly. If you expect a fight, you get a fight.
7
Q
Types of Power
A
- Referent power
- Legitimate power
- Expert power
- Reward power
- Coercive power
8
Q
Referent Power
A
- power that you hold over someone as their example; they want to be like you
- ex: coach, teacher, athletes…
- they have power over you because you don’t want to let them down. They’re on a pedastool…you look up to them somehow…they make you want to be your best person. Your mom to mother theresa.
9
Q
Legitimate Power
A
- power that is given to you from someone
- ex: cops, teachers
- a badge, uniform, power that’s been given to them in some way. A professor gets to give you a grade, a cop can bring you downtown, etc.
10
Q
Expert power
A
- specialized power; power that comes as a function of your knowledge
- a friend that can help you with math…lawyers…expert power
11
Q
Coercive power
A
- power is considered as a punishment (spanking, a bully, non-obvious: 2 year olds giving a fit in walmart….lip starts to quiver… will throw a tantrum if you don’t cave.)
12
Q
Conflict Styles
A
- Competing
- Avoiding
- Accommodating
- Collaborating
- Compromise
13
Q
Competing (conflict style)
A
- I win - You lose
- this approach to conflict is when the person gets what they want in no regards for the relationship with that person afterwards
- ex: I want to buy a car…
14
Q
Avoiding (conflict style)
A
- I lose - You lose
- no communication at all, you dodge that person in order to “dissolve” the problem
- I don’t care if I get what I want or if you like me
15
Q
Accommodating (conflict style)
A
- I lose - You win
- all about the relationship with that person and do not care about their requests
- no skin off my back - turn it in, don’t turn it in, etc. Where we go/what we eat doesn’t matter to me
16
Q
Collaborating (conflict style)
A
- I win - You win
- best type of conflict resolution, what you’re shooting for
17
Q
Compromise (conflict style)
A
- somewhere in the middle
- we both give up some of what we want and get some of what we want
- we tend to think this is the best, but this really isn’t the best thing - collaborating is.
18
Q
Types of Nonverbal Communication
A
- Haptics
- Oculesics
- Chronemics
- Vocalics
- Proxemics
- Kinesics
- 2/3/66-90% of comm = nonverbal
19
Q
Haptics (nonverbal comm)
A
- study of touch
- very gendered - women can get away with touching anyone. Men can’t without seeming offended or coming on to women (in the United States)
- there are contact and non-contact cultures. we lean toward non-contact
20
Q
Oculesics (nonverbal comm)
A
- study of eye movements
- speaker makes more eye contact, then they are more interested and aren’t lying
- have expectations that are very culturally driven
21
Q
Chronemics (nonverbal comm)
A
- study of time
- cultures are accepting differently. linear view of time (U.S.) vs. a circular view of time (farmers, rurals)
22
Q
Vocalics (nonverbal comm)
A
- study of pitch, tone and volume - your voice
- “I never said you ate lemons”
23
Q
Proxemics (nonverbal comm)
A
- study of space
- intimate and personal touch
- non-contact cultures have larger distances
- signifies the level of intimacy and nature of relationships
24
Q
Kinesics (nonverbal comm)
A
- study of body movement - gesture and posture
- gesture
- emblems (diect verbal equivelent…the bird…okay…etc.)
- illustrators (don’t in and of itself mean anything… it was “this” big…absent the verbal, wouldn’t make sense alone)
- postures
- vary from culture to culture in what’s expected and communicated
25
Relational Dialectic Theory
- opposites; mutually exclusive in a relationship but you want them both
- - autonomy and inclusion
- - control and submission
- - spontaneity and predictability
26
Attraction Theory
- there are certain things we find attractive, short term
- - similarity (we like people who are similar to us - opposites don't attract)
- - proximity (we like people that live in our same area/hang out with)
- - reinforcement (we will be more interested in someone if they give us positive feedback about how they feel the same about us)
- - physical attractiveness (single-most important factor at first. it drops as the relationship continues... good looking not enough if you're boring, lazy, abusive, etc... usually date someone who is as cute as we are... sometimes on the back end - you're around this person a lot, later realize hey, they're attractive)
- - personality (you like people with similar personalities)
- - socioeconomic status (you are more likely to date someone with the same background as yourself; someone with the same level of expertise. Some of it's discomfort, some of it's proximity, when you're mismatched it causes a bit of tension)
27
Social Penetration Theory
- any relationship...stupid onion analogy
- represents you and everything you've ever done, experienced, thought, etc.
- outer/cursory level and deeper levels
- more topics will pop up the longer you know them and in more depth
- you know who's safe and who you can share more information with
- the essence of a developing relationship is that we've moved around the onion and deeper into it. peeling back the layers; relationships grow by expanding topics.
28
Social Exchange theory
- people stay in relationships because they are getting a lot out of it; people will stay in relationships because of their perception of how things could be; they stay because the benefits outweigh the cost
- not just perception of costs and benefits- it's your perception of costs and benefits as compared to others out there
- You might leave a relationship that you're getting more out of than it costs you because you think it can be better. You might stay in a bad one because you don't think there's anything better/it's all you know.
29
Equity Theory
- relational satisfaction in terms of perceptions of fair/unfair treatment; we put up with a lot because everyone puts up with a lot; get mad if treated unequally
- ex: at work, you have a relationship with your boss that you think is the same as your coworker with the same role. They get a raise, you don't. You'll be aggravated. Unless deep down you know you haven't worked as hard. Has to do with how you PERCEIVE you're being treated fairly.
30
Uncertainty Reduction Theory
- early in a relationship spend a lot of energy/communication driven by questions and being able to predict them a bit
- over time, if you understand and can predict them, your relationship will grow
- if over time you get more unpredictable or they keep you distant, you'll pull out. we are skeptical.
- as relationships develop, the uncertainty decreases
31
Knapp's Model of Interaction Stages
for dating, people go through these stages after meeting. first five for development, second five for dissolution.
- 1) Initiation stage
- 2) Experimenting stage
- 3) Intensifying stage
- 4) Integration stage
- 5) Bonding stage
- -
- 1) Differentiation stage
- 2) Circumscribing stage
- 3) Stagnation stage
- 4) Avoiding stage
- 5) Termination stage
32
Initiation stage
- first development stage in Knapp's model
- meeting someone for the first time
- questions like "where are you from? what school do you go to? how you doin? come here often?"
- attraction theory here. they look a little cute.
- 90% of relationships stop here
33
Experimenting stage
- second development stage in Knapp's model
- flirting stage
- affinity-seeking strategies. seeking that they like you.
- try to position yourself in a way that makes you look good
34
Intensifying stage
- third development stage in Knapp's model
- crush phase
- secret tests: want to know if they like you back. Bump into them, route from class, etc.
- - Avoidance test
- - Endurance test
- - Triangle test/Jealousy
- - Joke Relational Status
35
Integration stage
- fourth development stage in Knapp's model
- start to build a life together, become a "we"
- schedule days around each other
- same group of friends/social circle - outsiders estranged
36
Bonding stage
- fifth development stage in Knapp's model
- public declaration of unity (used to be get married, could be formal living together, etc.)
- we're pledged to each other in a way that it's monologous/not seeing others. Decide to move in together and take it to the next step
37
Differentiation stage
- first dissolution stage in Knapp's model
- start to notice the ways in which you are different instead of celebrating what you have in common
- they don't do this, why don't you that, I'd rather us be this...
38
Circumscribing stage
- second dissolution stage in Knapp's model
- you avoid certain topics to talk about (religion, money) so you start to have a lack of communication. topics we fight about so often that we sail around them/become off limit in our conversations
- communication in this phase anticipates unpleasantness if these topics come up.
- if relationships last, married 30 years, you circle from here back into the integrating phase and rebond. You don't skip the differences and fights, you just don't stay there. Circle through four stages.
39
Stagnation stage
- third dissolution phase in Knapp's model
- accepted differences, not progressing in the relationship
- at some point if relationship doesn't build, you're going to stagnate. don't move. ruled out the topics and no one tries to fix it. relationship becomes routine. talk about the kids, work, accepting where you are.
- you do your thing, I'll do my thing.
- may not be here for more than a week, others married for fifty years in this stage.
40
Avoiding stage
- fourth dissolution phase in Knapp's model
- actively trying not to see someone
- no talking or seeing the person. some jump right to termination. But first, you want to give them hints and see if they'll fizz out on their own. can't stay here forever because they'll track you down.
41
Termination stage
- fifth dissolution phase in Knapp's model
- ending the relationship
- as straightforward as it's been 6 weeks, we just know this isn't working... if married, could be court to get the kids, keep your money, etc. can be a battle for your friends for who will support who... can be long or quick depending on amount of entertwinment.
42
Johari Window
- theory of self disclosure. measure your self-knowledge and a map of yoru self-concept.
- 4 areas, but people not divided evenly into those four areas. people differ in amount of self-disclosure and this will effect their relationship.
- Known to others/Known to self (Open/Arena)
- Known to others/Not known to self (Blind Spot)
- Not known to others/Known to self (Facade/Hidden)
- Not known to others/Not known to self (Unknown)
43
Styles of Love
- Eros
- Ludus
- Storge
- Pragma
- Mania
- Agape
- Philio
44
Eros
- passionate, physical and emotional love
| - stereotype of romantic love
45
Ludus
- love of the chase more than the actula relationship
- tough to sustain long term
- a love that is played as a game or sport; love of the chase
- want it till you get it - like falling in love but not working for it
46
Storge
- companionable, friendship
- an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on similarity
- companion love - grandparents who started dating after their spouses of 50 years died is the common example
47
Pragma
- practical love
- love that is driven by the head not the heart
- the historical alliances between kings, dutiful love. will patiently endure this relationship for the reward to them or other people...the Clintons
48
Mania
- crazy love (stalker)
| - highly volatile love, obsession, fueled by low self-esteem
49
Agape
- selfless love, spiritual, motherly love
| - Jesus, Ghandi, MLK Jr.
50
Philio/Philos
- brotherly love
| - philadelphia
51
Self-disclosure
- telling someone something that they don't know about you (wouldn't know unless you tell them)
- - norms of reciprocity (don't tell them about deep confession when they share their favorite candy. they give you dinner, you give them dinner.)
- - confessional moments (flooded disclosure. will do it with people you'll never see again. avoid flooded disclosure.)
- - general rule of thumb (if you disclose something to someone, they'll respond with a disclosure of equal level and meaning
52
Listening
- active listening: it takes work. involves head nodding and backchanneling
- mindfulness: will try to improve on the empathy type vs. the entertainment type. engaging in a mental act of listening
- listening: what is active listening? = paying attention and understanding what is being said: nodding. uh huhs. feedback. paraphrasing back to them.
COMM 498 Comps
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