connection

Question 1

seven components of intimacy

Answer 1

1. knowledge
2. interdependence (strong influences on each other)
3. caring
4. trust
5. responsiveness (support each others needs)
6. mutuality (think as a couple instead of two separate people)
7. commitment (not looking for someone else, work hard to make it work with partner)

all of these are not required- lead to most satisfying and meaningful relationships include all 7

Question 2

importance of connection

Answer 2

• very social species
  suffer when isolated from close contact with others
• Shorten lifespan when loneliness
• Fail to thrive, when deprived of close contact with others
• Babies can give up the will to live
• need intimate the relationships
  -being alone threatens our sense of connection to people

Question 3

how did culture influence relationships

Answer 3

• fewer people marrying
  -getting married at a later age 28-30 (live longer now)
  -many live together and have babies when not yet married
  -1/2 marriages end in a divorce

single- a lot of discrimination, but marriage is a choice, many have active social lives and supportive friends that fulfill their social desire, closer relationship to family and friends

Question 4

trail run

Answer 4

• desirable to live together to test their compatility
• causes fewer people to get married
• longer they cohabit less enthusiastic about marriage

Question 5

how times have changed
- economic influence’s
-technology
-sex ratio

Answer 5

• education and financial resources allow woman to be more independent and less likely to marry

-individualism- emphasis on personal fulfillment, cause people to be more materialistic and less considerate of others

• woman have more control over fertility (plan b, birth control etc.)

-sex ratio- cultures with high sex ratio (fewer woman) tend to support traditional roles for the genders,

Question 6

how does our experiences influence our attachment style

Answer 6

• shaped by many influences
  -attachment styles can be learned and developed over time by different experiences. ex. bad break up- more trust issues

-levels of expectance or rejection we receive from our parents are huge influences early on
—-secure parents raise secure children

—-not reliable raise insecure children- inconstant- child becomes nervous and clingy (preoccupied)

— child very independent- realize little good comes from others
(dismissive- avoidance)

— avoid intimacy- fear of rejection (fearful- avoidance) (bad relationship in the past- afraid to get hurt again)

Question 7

what are the four attachment styles? and explain

Answer 7

secure
- happy and comfortable with intimacy

anxious/ambient (preoccupied)
-nervous and clingy
-care was inconstant and unpredictable
-unsure if parent would come back cause child to be nervous and clingy

• suspicious and withdrawn
• child learned that little good came from depending on others
  -suspicious, not easily formed close relationships

fearful- avoid intimacy and fear of rejection (avoidance)

dismissing
- intimacy with others wasn’t worth the trouble (self sufficient- don’t care if others like them or not)
(avoidance)

Question 8

four attachment styles

Answer 8

secure
- comfortable with intimacy and interdependence, optimistic and sociable

preoccupied
- uneasy and vigilant towards any threat to the relationship, needy and jealous

fearful
- fear of rejection and of mistrust of others, suspicious and shy

dismissing
-self- reliant and uninterested in intimacy
-indifferent and independent

Question 9

influence of individual differences
sex and gender

Answer 9

sex differenece
-stereotype that woman and men communicate, feel, and respond differently
- research shows there are very few differences, they overlap throughly

the differences are within a given gender, large spectrum, how woman act vary significantly

gender difference
social and psychological distinction-

Question 10

what is the interdependence
theory

Answer 10

evaluate the outcomes we receive with two criteria

• what we expect from a relationship
• how well we think we can do with other partners

Question 11

what do we expect from our relationship? alternatives?

Answer 11

personal comparison level (CL)
- describes what we expect and feel we deserve

outcomes- CL = satisfaction or dissatisfaction

CL alt - describes the outcome we think we can get somewhere else

Question 12

what does it mean to be androgynous

Answer 12

Androgynous - poses both sets of competencies that are stereotypically associated with being male and female. Comfortable in both domains

“Masculine” task oriented- assertive, self-reliant, ambitious (instrumental)

“Feminine” social and emotional skills- warmth, tenderness, sensitive, compassionate (expressive)

two androgynous people- happier, evenly split house roles understand each other better

influence on gender roles- are bad, teach men not to have emotion, less meanful relationships that way

need to look past gender- court hearings etc. more commonly given custody of child simply because woman ‘emotional” sterotypes

Question 13

self esteem/ what measures our success in a relationship

Answer 13

• low self asteem

-wonder why their partner is with them
- feels they are not good enough for their partner
- put yourself in a bubble to brace for impact before you get hurt

sociometer- measures success in a relationship

Question 14

what is the difference with paternal investment/ patronal uncertainty

Question 15

androgynous and cisgender meaning?

Answer 15

cis gender- current identities with the sex we were assigned to at birth

androgynous
- comfortable with both competencies assigned with being female or male (gender stereotypes, comfortable with both)

Question 16

happy or stable

Answer 16

happy if our expectations are exceted

stable if we don’t think we will find anything better

Question 17

direct vs indirect rewards

Answer 17

direct- looks, money, gifts,

indirect- having something in common
- affection goals and desires

Question 18

what is instrumentally

Answer 18

help us achieve our present goals, company is pleasurable, help with our need to belong

Question 19

reasons for attraction

Answer 19

proximity
familiarity- repeated contact/ exposure
physical attractiveness
- like those who like us
- symmetrical face

physical attraction (beauty bias)
- think they have more positive traits when pretty

cost of beauty-
less trusting (worried about being used)
more sought out (less stable)

principle of matching- similar level of good looking

Question 20

describe the four types of relationship s

Answer 20

on iPad

Question 21

how non verbal communication effects relationship

Answer 21

provides information about others mood

regulating interaction
- if the conversation should continue
- wether or not the conversation should begin

define the relationship
- act different depending how close you feel with the other

Question 22

balance theory

Answer 22

we like people who like us, do not like who does like us

• constancy and symmetry in relationship

Question 23

who are we attracted too

Answer 23

• discovering dis similarities take time
• similar looks/ attitudes, interests and more
  (what we think we have in common)
  -

Question 24

Psychological reactance-

Answer 24

• lose their freedom they strive to regain it
  -want something more if they are more threatened with losing them

Question 25

what are the gender role stereotypes? why are they doing a diservice?

Answer 25

masculine (instrumental- task oriented, assertive, self reliant) feminine (social and emotional skills, warmth, tenderness, sensitive) expressive androgynous- have both sets. of qualities associated being female/male - depriving men of skills that would make them a more rewarding husband, taking away the ability to connect with others- want more sensitive, and understanding partners - in courts stereotypically woman get custody of child because they supposed to be the "comforting, caring and nurturing one" woman deprived more achievements "say not qualified" - androgynous people get along better- able to both have those traits

Question 26

main conduction for intimacy model

Answer 26

responsiveness listen and fulfill your partners needs

Question 27

which is more fullfilling exchange or communal relationships

Answer 27

exchange- immediate repayment for gifts given, keep track of others contributions communal - do each other favours without expecting explicit repayment

Question 28

how does social exchange as time goes by

Answer 28

cl- personal comparison level describes what we feel we deserve take for granted, become less satisfying based of past experiences, fluctuate with the outcomes we receive

Question 29

why is it common for couples to feel decline to their relationship

Answer 29

Reasons why they decline Lack of effort: people stop working as hard Interdependency is a magnifying glass: conflict is more consequential and annoyances more aggravating, because of the close and frequent contact that comes with intimacy Access to weaponry: Know our weak points and areas of secrets, gives them more means to hurt us, even unintentionally, in ways that others cant Unwelcome surprises: death in family, suprise kids etc. Unrealistic expectations: do not assume that having kids will bring you closer together

Question 30

why are most relationships communal vs exchange

Answer 30

Exchange relationships people expect immediate repayment for benefits given Partner are more content for when favors are repaid immediately and they keep track of each other contributions to the relationship Communal relationships Do favors without expecting repayment do not keep track of others contributions Do not want just an exchange, want it to be meaningful

Question 31

how to find equality in a relationship

Answer 31

both gain benefits from the relationship, proportional to their contributions you outcomes/ your contributions = partners

Question 32

what happens when under benefited

Answer 32

- leave relationship -convince themselves they are getting what they deserve - change partners contributions

Question 33

how is genuine intimacy likely to develop?

Answer 33

- only certain conditions have been met - appart intrest, respect RESPONSIVENESS - builds trust -disclosures deepen -intimacy increases - partners tend to match others openness

Question 35

what is the most taboo topic

Answer 35

- state of current relationship - past relationships with others

Question 36

what are gender differences in verbal communication

Answer 36

topics of conversation -more inpersonal matters (sports, cars,etc.) -studies show on text cannot identify gender (subtle differences) styles of conversation - less forcefully, less direct, less certain

Question 37

why do couples hid information

Answer 37

-to protect themselves and their relationship with others

Question 38

self disclosures

Answer 38

passing info on from yourself to someone else

Question 39

what is the biggest misconception with gender differences and communication

Answer 39

intimacy levels of a person is tied to their expressiveness and does not matter gender gender more based on persoanlity and communicqation styles rather than a huge gender difference

Question 40

what is a interpersonal gap

Answer 40

what we mean (intension) to communicate vs how our partner receives it causes misunderstanding in those who hear what we say happens more often with close relationships- expect them to know how we are feeling, strangers- put more effort into expressing with strangers

Question 41

what are key components of good communication

Question 42

what is mimicry

Answer 42

during a conversation where partner adapts simular posture and manerims

Question 43

what is the social penetration theory

Answer 43

develop of changes of conversation bredth- variety of topics you discuss depth- personal significance of the topic

Question 44

interdependence

Question 45

proportional justice

Answer 45

each partner gains benefits from the relationship that are proportional to their contributions outcomes/ contributions

Question 46

why do we need close contact?

Answer 46

- very social species -suffer when we do not have close contact - need for intimate relationships- only need a few close friendships and relationships - fail to thrive when deprived of close contact etc. babies can give up the will to live without close contact

Question 47

how can low self- esteem damage relationships

Answer 47

- underestimate partners love - less optimistic their love will last (brace for impact- will hurt less) -highly sensitive (partner have no idea they hurt them, just more sensitive to any) - impacted but what WE THINK others think of us

Question 48

what does the sociometer measure

Answer 48

quality of relationships with others

Question 49

why do gay have overall more satisfying relationship s

Answer 49

both androgynous- share more masculine and instrumental traits - work around the house split up more fairly, communicate more openly and honestly

Question 50

can your personality change?

Answer 50

- gradual changes over time - influenced by who you are around extraverted people vs conscientious

Question 51

what is the difference in parental investment? and paternity uncertainty?

Answer 51

female- have to prevent pregnancy - birth control, hormonal birth control -house the baby for 9 months- their responsibility - choose their partners reasonably, are capable of having children until menopause- up to them to prevent male- the matter of implanting a sperm - could be the father to 100 of babies paternity uncertainty - men- face doubts that he child is truely theres -

Question 52

difference between direct and indirect rewards

Answer 52

direct rewards- notice and obvious - interest and approval, beautiful, money advice indirect- share something in common, aligns with current needs or desires

Question 53

instrumentality

Answer 53

someone helps to achieve present goals, company is pleasurable, and helpful to fullfill our needs to belong

Question 54

examples of dysfunctional communication

Answer 54

kitchen sink- addressing several topics at once off beam- wander from topic to topic yes but- interrupting, finding fault at anything they say mind reading- jumping to conclusions cross complaining- complaining about other issues

Question 55

what is the social penetration theory

Answer 55

better connection when talk more personal topics and explain better significance about yourself depth- personal significance of topics breadth- topics they dissucss

Question 56

how to be a better listener

Answer 56

validation- recognize partners point of view even if you do not agree with it paraphrasing- repeat in own words to see if understood correctly perception checking- make sure understand properly

Question 57

negative effect example

Answer 57

criticism- attacks character contempt- emerges from mockery and insults defensiveness- excuses belligerence- agressiveness

Question 58

self disclosure

Answer 58

passing information from yourself to someone else

Question 59

most important for intimacy to develop

Answer 59

responsiveness - builds trust -disclosures deepen -intimacy increase

Question 60

what does it mean to be interdependent

Answer 60

rely on each other - we value the outcome we receive based on two principles - seaking most fullfilling relationship for both outcomes= rewards- cost

Question 61

personal compariment level (CL)

Answer 61

what we feel we expect and deserve (determines happiness in relationship( cl alt- what we think we can get somewhere else (determines security) subjective- can be different between partners- see the relationship a different way

Question 62

what are the four types of relationships

Answer 62

Happy and stable: Get more than we expect and deserve Do not think we can find something better Unhappy but stable: Doesn't think you can get any better from anyone else, that is why she won't leave the relationship Happy but unstable: Get more than what we expect Outcome would be better with someone else Unhappy and unstable Getting less than what you deserve, and think you can get it elsewhere

Question 63

how do our cl change

Answer 63

- expectations change depending on the outcome we receive - continue to increase because we start to take them for granted - like syaing i love you to partner should still try to make special and less of a routine - off phone with parents- do not even think about it routine to say i love you

Question 64

how does equality exist

Answer 64

- when relationship is fair outcomes/ contributions = partners

Question 65

why is the cost of departing declined

Answer 65

- because of travel and social media more options, more available to them less commtied

Question 66

ratio to stay in satisfied mariage

Answer 66

5:1 ratio rewards: cost

Question 67

what are the three types of commitments

Answer 67

personal- want moral- ought constraint- have

Question 68

rewards and costs are different

Answer 68

approach motivation- - desired experiences, bring us to feel desired emotions - motivation for doing something to feel good avoidance motivation- - desire just to avoid cost and escape pain and punishment pain and pleasure are different processes, they can both exisit and both feel good

Question 69

why is minimizing cost not the same as increasing rewards

Answer 69

- more beneficial to get rewards instead of just avoiding stress - want our relationship to be fulfilling must do more instead of just avoidance

Question 70

what is the self expansion model

Answer 70

- we are more attracted to a partner that expands the range of our interests - bring us a new talent or perspective - find new ways to go on adventures together

Question 71

relational turbulence

Answer 71

- a period of adjustment, becoming accustomed to increasing interdependence - more time together, disrupt each others routines, priority over other friends willing to sacrifice: deognation of tempting alternatives: reduce allure who might otherwise entice us away from our current partners