1
Q
True or false: College students live in a world of hook-up culture. Why?
A
- True
- Preference, men prefer hook-ups over dating (2x)
- Free, no strings attached
2
Q
General sex difference regarding causal/premarital sex?
A
- Men have a higher number of desired partners
- Men are more likely to consent after not knowing someone long
- Takes men a day to trust someone the same amount as it takes a woman in 3 months
- Men are more likely to say yes to a proposal if they think they’ll get sex
- Date, hook-up, or sex tonight?
-> Date: 56% women accepted this, 50% men
-> Apt: 6% women accepted this, 69% men
-> Bed: 0% women accepted this, 75% men
3
Q
Why is it better to measure sociosexuality than look at male vs. female differences?
A
- Measures psychological variable that gives you info on emotional regulation
4
Q
How does sexual arousal influence men’s decision-making?
A
- Men make terrible decisions when they’re sexually aroused, horny people also lie more
5
Q
How does the timing of sexual debut within a relationship impact relationship satisfaction?
A
- The longer you wait to have sex for the first time in a relationship, the higher the relationship satisfaction
6
Q
Please describe the nature of the orgasm gap. Women who orgasm more do what?
A
- Men orgasm more than women, but gay women orgasm more than straight women (men are the issue)
- Women who ask for what they want will orgasm more, praise partner more, receive more oral sex, try new things, sex for longer periods, express more love, are more satisfied with the relationship
7
Q
How does sexual frequency relate to sexual satisfactions? Do sex challenges work? What’s the magic number for sexual frequency in established relationships? How does sex relate to relationship quality? What’s more important than sex frequency?
A
- Does not relate to relationship satisfaction
- Sex challenges do not work (more is not better, quality over quantity) makes sex into a chore, solves no issues
- Magic number is at least once a week
- Better sex makes your relationship better; be more satisfied then you’ll have more sex
- Better to express their feelings, higher relationship quality leads to more sex
- Relationship satisfaction
8
Q
What is the key research-supported negative outcome related to homosexuality and marriage? b) Homosexual relationships are worse than heterosexual relationships. True/False? Why? c) Homosexual parents are worse for kids. True/False? Why?
A
- none; Same-sex marriages have better satisfaction in relationships; more egalitarian
- False because the are more satisfied because they share more common roles in relationships
- False because they had to go through a process of having a child rather than a mistake
9
Q
In your own words, please explain the social exchange theory. b) Give examples of each key concept (outcomes, rewards, costs, and opportunity costs).
A
- people make decisions by measuring the costs and rewards of a relationship
- Outcomes: rewards - costs
- Rewards: someone to hang out with, do activities with
- Costs: arguments/disagreements, cheating, lying
- Opportunity costs: you could be with someone else you may like more (potential to be in a relationship with someone better than your current partner) things you have to miss out on
10
Q
How can thinking about opportunity costs help you decide about a relationship’s fate?
A
- If you think you deserve better than your current partner and you aren’t happy, you may be inclined to end this relationship. If your partner makes you miss out on important things you may want to leave
11
Q
What is the ideal ratio of rewards to costs in married couples? For college students, what should the ratio be? Why?
A
- 5 to 1 (rewards to costs)
- College students: 20:1 lower standards, earlier on in relationship
12
Q
When calculating your ratio, does everything count the same? Why/why not?
A
- No, some bigger costs can deal breakers. In earlier relationships, everything may seem like a reward, they start off good.
-> He got me flower (reward) but he cheated on me (cost) not equal
13
Q
What can you learn from how rewards and costs change in successful vs. unsuccessful relationships over time? b) If you want to know if a relationship will be successful, should you focus on rewards or costs early on? Why?
A
- Rewards go up in successful relationships overtime & go down in unsuccessful relationships
- Focus on costs early on, if they’re super high at the start, you know its only gonna get worse.
14
Q
In your own words, please explain the interdependence theory (i.e. comparison levels and comparison levels for alternatives) Be sure to explain what they are, and how they relate to satisfaction and commitment.
A
- an ideal relationship is characterized with high levels of rewards and low levels of costs.
- People have their own comparison levels that they compare. (your expectations for what relationships should be)
- Comparison levels for alternatives: how good of a partner could you be with if you weren’t with your current partner (quality of alternatives)
- Potential for more satisfaction and commitment
15
Q
Are satisfaction and commitment the same thing? Why or why not?
A
- Satisfaction (how happy you are) is not equal to commitment (staying together)
16
Q
Where does commitment phobia come from?
A
- Thinking you can do better, CLalt is higher
17
Q
CLalts are subjective. What does that mean? What are the implications of this?
A
- It is not always accurate, you may think you can do better even if you can’t (high ego) (perception vs reality)
18
Q
Using interdependence theory, where does power in relationships come from? (be sure to explain dependence and the principle of lesser interest). b) What are the benefits of having more power? c) If you are the person with more power, what should you do?
A
- Power comes from CLalt
- (who needs relationship more; person with lower CLalt)
- principle of lesser interest: the person that has the least amount of interest in continuing a relationship has the most power over it.
- Benefits of having more power is you can make the decisions
- You should disperse the power equally for a long lasting relationship
19
Q
Using CL & CLalt, explain why someone might stay in a bad relationship and why people might leave a happy relationship.
A
- Comparison levels for alternative determine if you will stay or go (if you have a 9/10 and you won’t better elsewhere; commitment promoting) (if you have a 2/10 and you know you can do better, you leave)
20
Q
Be able to describe relationships based on numerical models (as we did in class). For example, if outcome = 8; comparison level = 7; and comparison level for alternatives = 10, what type of relationship is this? (Answer = happy and independent/unstable). (Likely as multiple choice questions)
A
- Outcomes > comparison level (CL) = satisfied
- Outcome < CLalt = independence = more power
- Outcomes > CLalt = dependence = less power
21
Q
When describing relationships based on numerical models, what’s the best possible relationship? (diagram it) Why is that best? b) What’s the worst? (diagram it) Why is that worse?
A
- Outcomes > comparison level (CL) = satisfied
- CL > outcomes = not satisfied
22
Q
What does the investment model add to interdependence theory to help explain commitment? (Please describe this principle in your own words and give two of your own examples). b) Diagram the entire investment model. Be sure to include the + & - signs where appropriate. c) Thinking economically, what is a sunk cost? d) According to the Investment model, which is the most important predictor of commitment?
A
- The more invested you are, the more committed you are to staying.
- sunk cost: anything you put in that you can’t get back out (investments you don’t get back)
- investment size + commitment level + deciding to stay
most important predictors of relationship commitment are quality of alternatives, investment and satisfaction.
23
Q
What does it mean to derogate alternatives? How is this a sign of commitment?
A
- Allows people to feel that other potential partners are less attractive than ones they already have
24
Q
What does equity say is important for relationship maintenance? b) Who’s happy under or over benefited? c) When a relationship is inequitable, what’s the best solution?
A
- Fairness; people are more satisfied in relationships in which there is proportional justice, which means that each partner gains benefits from the relationship that are proportional to his or her contributions to it
- Having the person who is doing less but gaining the most, start doing more and the person who is doing more but gaining less start doing less, this is to restore the power balance
25
Does learning about relationships make you experience more or less love? Why?
- It makes you experience more love because now you know what love is supposed to be and you can seek it out
26
In your own words, please describe ideals in relationships. Are we good at putting these to use?
- Idealization: wish list for partner, may not always be met. Shouldn't expect too much, you must settle on less important aspects
27
How does the relationship discrepancy apply to ideals (please describe the theory in your own words)? b) In terms of ideals and relationship discrepancies, what is "settling"?
- Discrepancy: how far your current situation is from your ideal
- Settle: falling short of ideal
28
When confronted with a discrepancy, what are the other 2 main strategies (other than changing perceptions) for dealing with it? (change ideals, discount importance) Describe each in your own words and give an example.
- Change Ideal to fit partner ex. wanting someone intelligent then getting someone less intelligent
- Discount importance of ideal ex. wanting a partner with abs and assessing how important this is (not important)
29
What are the three ways we change our perceptions to fit our ideals? Describe each in your own words and give your own example of each. How does each operate in a good relationship, how could each operate in a bad relationship?
- attack/discount the bad things
- Emphasize the good
- Compare
30
Distinguish between maximizers and satisficers. b) Which is the better approach? Why?
- Satisficers (what they have is good enough for them) more realistic
- Maximizers (not happier, experience depression) constant need for fulfillment, not good for person or their relationships
- Satisficers is better because it is more realistic
31
Are soulmates real? Is it helpful or harmful to believe in them? Why?
- Soulmates are more mythical than magical. This term can be problematic because you are devastated if they leave you.
32
In your own words, please describe the concept of positive illusions. b) What are the two potential outcomes? c) How can positive illusions be good for relationships? d) When are positive illusions bad for relationships? *Also, make sure you’ve read this article related to positive illusions:
- See your partner as amazing and fantastic, but it is not tied to objective fact (love is blind)
- 2 types: disillusionment and maintenance
-> Good for relationships because it makes you think “wow, they are with me!” and it boosts your partner’s confidence, also gives hope for improvement and growth
-> Bad for relationships because it creates wishful thinking, makes you see relationship as it is and not what it could be
33
In your own words, what is invisible support? b) What makes it so helpful? c) Give your own example of invisible support (make sure it’s clear what makes it invisible)
- All the stuff we do for our partner that no one sees
- Being there, not adding to stress, just trying to be helpful
- Taking out the trash, doing the dishes, invisible because it is a daily household task that doesn’t take long that could really help a partner out
34
Is making sacrifices for your partner good? Why/why not?
- It is because it shows commitment however, it is more bad because the sacrifices do not make you happier and your partner often does not notice the sacrifice and it creates a fight because you want them to notice everything you’ve been doing
35
How can support have a dark side?
- Keeping score: losing by trying to win
- Sacrifices making one person happy and the other less happy and then someone always wants to recognition for the sacrifices they’ve been making
36
What’s the one major way sacrifice benefits the relationship? b) What’s the problem with sacrifice in terms of happiness? (be sure to differentiate satisfaction from commitment) c) How good are partners at noticing each other’s sacrifices? d) What’s the “recipe for resentment”? e) What are bad reasons for sacrificing?
- Sacrifice benefits the relationship because it makes us feel more committed
- The person making the sacrifices will always be less happy than the person they are sacrificing for
-> Satisfaction = happiness
-> Commitment = willingness to stay
- Partners are not good at noticing each other’s sacrifices
- The recipe for resentment is the “after all I do for you” attitude
- The bad reasons for sacrificing are that it’s mandatory, feeling guilty, out of anger
37
What is self-silencing? b) What is it trying to accomplish? c) Does it work?
- Diminish, lessen yourself, negative views of yourself
- Trying to accomplish a reason to stay
- This does not work, it is a relationship’s fatal flaw
38
Are “relationship scorecards” a good or bad idea? Why?
- They are a bad idea because relationships should be fair, they are not competitions, there should be a a power balance
39
What does “sometimes you, sometimes me, always us” mean?
- This means that sometimes you benefit, or I benefit, but both of us should always be benefitting, the relationship is always about both partners and not just one all the time
40
Your partner surprises you with your favorite meal. Is that good or bad? Or I could ask it this way… b) In your own words, please distinguish between relationship-enhancing and distress-maintaining attributions for a given behavior (e.g., partner brings you flowers, doesn’t text, etc.).
- This could be good or bad
- Relationship-enhancing = good for relationship (grocery shopping, flowers)
- Distress-maintaining = not good for relationship (does nothing at all to help out)
41
In your own words, what is the self-serving bias? b) Give your own example.
- The “it’s not my fault,” you do nothing wrong, partner is always the problem
- You expect your partner to forgive anything you do wrong but, when they do something wrong you do not forgive them
42
Is partner-directed personality change generally good? b) If your partner is willing to change, that’s good right?
- No it is not good, but it is good if the partner is willing to change, but they should not be the only one changing
43
Give examples of bad ways to get your partner to change. b) What’s a better way? c) Why is that better way still not good?
- Helping them change, killing with kindness
- Better to support them in their change, reinforce their change
- The better way still is not good because we are impatient, could come off as manipulative, trying to control them
44
In your own words, what is the Michelangelo Phenomenon? b) Give your own example.
- People have the ability to change themselves, but you can be the one to support them and chisel out their inner angel
- It is like baking a cake, it comes out of the oven looking one way and then you work with it in order to make it better
45
If you really want change in your relationship, what should you really focus on changing?
- Yourself which is the only thing you can control
46
In your own words, what is self-expansion? b) How does expansion impact sex in relationships? c) How does self-expansion impact cheating?
- Ability to grow and improve ourselves in order to be more competent
- It impacts sex because those who go through self-expansion report higher sexual desire, more affection, and less conflict
- It impacts cheating because when we are not being fulfilled we will go out and seek it from someone else
47
What is the problem with focusing on happiness? b) Describe what you should seek instead. c) Spending more time in deep thought and establishing your own identity sounds self-absorbed. But is it really? Does it help?
- The problem with focusing on happiness is that it has a short shelf life
- We should seek fulfillment instead
- They are, but that is the point because it helps you find meaning in your life, which benefits your relationship
48
What is the cobra effect? b) What does it mean to “embrace the suck”?
- Trying too hard to make things better and it backfiring
- Realizing it is ok to feel bad in small doses gives us permission to seek deeper fulfillment
49
How does growth take grit? b) Why are people reluctant to pursue self-improvement?
- Growth takes grit because you need passion and perseverance in order to achieve your goals
- Due to fear of failure
50
“People might prefer that their partner chooses not to sacrifice for them and instead, that ___________________”
- Their partners independently pursue their own interests
51
What are the characteristics of NICE activities? Give your own examples of a few NICE “me time” activities you could do. (also, be able to do this for “we time”) b) When one partner self-expands on their own, what impact does that have on the relationship?
- Novel, interesting, challenging, and exciting things
-> Workout, read, listen to music, join a mosh pit at a concert
- The other person feels left out and like their partner does not want to do things together anymore or is tired of them
52
When couples experience boredom, what’s the best type of activity to do?
- A NICE activity together
53
What are some common self-expanding activities? b) Can negative activities be expanding? Why/why not? c) What can you learn from the study about art class vs. board games?
- Dinner, special event, painting a room, sex, experiment with new positions, plan future events
- Yes they can because it allows us to communicate and work through a conflict
- We need to step outside of our comfort zone in order to benefit our relationships
54
Is sacrificing self-interests for our relationship good or bad? b) What are the best types of sacrifices?
- Somewhere in between good and bad
- Ones that allow each partner to be a little selfish but not indulge in guilt
55
Inclusion of other in the self involves which two types of closeness? Give your own examples of each.-
- Behavioral closeness = spending time together, being around each other (going out to dinner)
- Cognitive closeness = less me and more we, an us
56
How does inclusion of other in the self relate to self-expansion?
- growing as a person, become a better person of your partner
- increases closeness to partner
57
How can coding relational statements and pronouns reveal closeness/inclusion of other in the self?
- singular cognitions create distance "I, you, me, him, her"
- plural cognitions show commitment "us, we, our"
58
Is it possible to feel too close? b) What are the two main reasons for feeling too close? c) In this context, why might being a bit more selfish be helpful?
- yes it is possible to feel too close
- threats to identity, threats to control
- it is giving your partner some space, do things for yourself sometimes
59
How does optimal distinctiveness apply to relationships?
- there is a balance in the middle of standing out and fitting in
60
What’s the role of missing in relationships?
- missing partner is a good thing because it shows commitment
- a little distance goes a long way
61
Draw the hedonic adaptation cycle. b) How does missing relate to hedonic adaptation? c) Give an example of how you can use your knowledge of hedonic adaptation to benefit your relationship. d) How does research on massages apply?
- we appreciate our partner more when they are not around and we adapt to them not being there and needing to increase communication to maintain the relationship
- not see each other every single day and not text all day, give us time to miss each other
- research on massages applies because they say that when you get a massage for an hour you are relaxed and happy, but getting massaged for 20 minutes taking a 10 minute break and then finishing the massage makes people appreciate it more because there was a time where they did not have it and they were so excited to get it back again
62
Are long-distance relationships bad?
- bad when starting new relationships but good for already established relationships
63
Generally, what are the 36 questions and how do they help people?
- 36 questions designed to understand who you are as a person, help people get to know the real, every day you, not the person you are presenting to try to be interesting
Intimate Relationships
flashcards
Decks in class (2)
# Cards
