relational dialectics assume relationships are
- constantly changing so relationships cannot be maintained but sustained (always moving a little)
- have needs that counter act each other such that you cannot achieve both at the same time
- interdependent parties
any tension you feel in your relationship…
so does your partner and thus the entire relationship is affected
Three internal dialectics
1) autonomy – connectedness
2) openness – closeness
3) predictability – novelty
** tensions magnify when one person needs autonomy and the other needs connectedness
three over arching tensions
1) integration – seperation
2) stability – change
3) expression – privacy
integration – seperation tension
1) connection – autonomy
2) inclusion – seclusion
connection – autonomy
- internal
- we vs me
- how interdependent do you want the relationship to be?
inclusion – seclusion
- external
- tension between a couples desire for involvement with the outside world and desire to live their own lives
- free of what can feel like interference from others
stability – change tension
1) predicability – novelty
2) conventionality – uniqueness
predictability – novelty
- internal
- spontaneous vs routine
- what does a Thursday look like
conventionality – uniqueness
- external
- challenges that people in a relationship face when trying to meet others expectations as well as their own
- playing roll of happy couple
expression – privacy tension
1) openness – closeness
2) reveal – concealment
openness – closeness
- internal
- the tension between desire to be honest and open and desire for privacy
- disclosing history of depression
reveal – concealment
- external
- the tension between a couples desire to be open and honest with the “outside world” and desire to keep things to themselves
- when do we tell people were pregnant
Three external dialectics
1) inclusion – seclusion
2) conventionality – uniqueness
3) reveal – concealment
“I need more space”
connection – autonomy
“we should hangout more in groups”
inclusion – seclusion
“we need to spice things up”
predicability – novelty
“we have to go to the Christmas service and post a picture”
conventionality – uniqueness
4 primary theory assumptions on Dialects (readings pg. 83)
- praxis
- change
- contradiction
- totality
praxis assumption
- suggests that a development in a relationship in neither linear nor repetitive
- instead relationships can become more intimate or less intimate over time
change assumption
-presumes that the only guarantee in a relationship is that it will change
contradictions assumption
- assumes relationships are grounded in interdependent yet mutually negating contridicitions
- both people have different needs
totality assumption
- recognizes that without interdependence a relationship cannot exist
- any tension you feel will effect your partner
4 ways to manage internal and external tensions (reading pg. 86)
1) selection
2) cycling or spiraling alteration
3) segmentation
4) integration
