1
Q
What are the three (3) basic types of responses people may have to conflict situations according to Chapter one (1) of the Peacemaker book?
A
- Escape Responses: Used when a person would rather avoid a conflict than resolve it. Examples include denying that there is a conflicting, running away from a conflict, and suicide.
- Attack Responses: Used by people who are more interesting in winning the conflict than preserving the relationship between those involved. Examples include assault (verbal and nonverbal), litigation (take them to court), and murder.
- Peacemaking responses: Empowered by the Gospel and directed toward finding just and mutually agreeable solutions to conflict (preserve the relationship). Examples include overlooking an offense, reconciliation, negotiation, mediation, arbitration, and accountability.
2
Q
Illustrate and/or explain the five (5) stages of the process view of conflict.
A
- Process View:
- Prelude to conflict: what makes the conflict possible. 4 parts:
- The participants who are involved (how many, age, gender, etc.)
- The relationship between participants
- Other interested parties (including bystanders)
- Physical and social environment of conflict situation
- Triggering event (conflict stimulus)
- Prelude to conflict: what makes the conflict possible. 4 parts:
The issue, problem, or focus point of the conflict
* Each party will not always share the same perception of what the triggering event was, therefore there can often be 2 conflicts going on simultaneously
* Initiation phase (response): when conflict becomes overt, usually by one person making their issue known
* Differentiation phase (ongoing interaction pattern): constructive or destructive strategies and tactics, presenting both sides of the story, moving back and forth, and escalating and de-escalating the conflict
* Resolution phase (outcome): occurs when the participants involved accept some sort of outcome
* It can be a win-win, permanent outcome or a temporary fix
* Sometimes the “resolution” will be to accommodate or avoid the conflict
3
Q
Name two (2) cycles that can derail the successful completion of this process.
A
- Confrontation avoidance/accommodation cycle: people tend to avoid or quickly give in, be indecisive, have communication apprehension, be people pleasers, engage in gunny-sacking, have an idea that conflict is abnormal
- Competitive conflict escalation style:
- Fueled by previously unresolved grievances
- Initiated by “I’m right, you’re wrong” mentality
- Intensified by a “win-lose orientation”
- Resolved with a win-lose outcome, which affects the future relationship and often results in future conflict
- Passive-aggressive cycle: avoid+accommodate+compete
- Think “conflict is bad, I should avoid it”
- get nervous when thinking about conflict
- Put off the conflict as long as possible
- Rather than confront, go over the person’s head or behind his/her back
- If the person gets in his/her way, one’s behavior is confirmed, and the cycle starts again
4
Q
If you want to be at peace, what are the three components of achieving this goal according to Sande?
A
- Be at peace with God: admitting you are a sinner, believing Jesus paid the full price, and accepting the gift of salvation
- Be at peace with others: the presence of genuine harmony, understanding, and goodwill between people
- Be at peace with yourself: have a sense of wholeness, contentment, tranquility, order, rest, and security
5
Q
List the four (4) criteria to integrative or cooperative bargaining discussed the day we covered negotiation skills.
A
- Separate people from problem
- Focus on interests, not positions
- Use objective criteria or standards
- Create options for mutual gain
6
Q
Know the five (5) types of conflict styles we learned through the Thomas-Kilmann instrument. Be able to read a factor pattern and apply the best approach to the situation.
A
- Competing → (assertive and uncooperative, a power oriented mode. Pursuing your own goals at the expense of the other person). Useful when you or a loved one are being taken advantage of. Also, useful when challenging inefficient status quo’s.
- Avoiding → (unassertive and uncooperative, a person is not pursuing their goals or those of the other, does not address the conflict). Avoidance in the present allows for reintroduction of a difficult topic at a more appropriate time
- Collaborating → (assertive and cooperative, working to find a solution that is fully satisfying to both parties, this normally requires more digging into the issue than the other methods). Most constructive conflict style; consists of integrative behaviors (cooperation, collective action, and mutual assistance); parties have the same goal, they’re striving for a mutually satisfying means of achieving that goal or satisfying the needs of both parties involved.
- Accommodating → (unassertive and cooperative, neglecting your own goals for those of the other party, pleasing to other to end the conflict). Helpful when you need a fast solution to a conflict.
- Compromising → (intermediate in both assertiveness and cooperating, goal is to find a fast end to the conflict that partially satisfies both parties). Helpful when the conflicting parties cannot both have what they want (incompatible goals or means).
7
Q
Know the different types of stress people experience. Be able to give examples of each particular type.
A
- Eustress: good, short-term, encourages us to expend more energy on certain things
- Example: playing sports
- Distress: loss of control over the situation and/or source of the stress
- Example: post-graduation fears
- Hypostress: underload, being bored or challenged
- Example: you have a job where no one gives you any tasks, you have nothing to do
- Hyperstress: too much, everything piles up and you can’t adapt
- Example: Finals week
8
Q
A _____ conflict occurs when at least one person in an interdependent relationship thinks that there is a conflict but after talking to the others involved finds there is no conflict.
A
False Conflict
9
Q
What theory says that people experience conflict because of their intrapersonal states?
A
Psychodynamic Theory
10
Q
What explains how something works?
A. A theory
B. An idea
C. A belief
A
A. A theory
11
Q
Watch “Forgiving Dr. Mengela”
A
GO DO IT!!!!
12
Q
List three (3) main approaches people who experience anger will choose.
A
- Anger-ins: they do not express their anger to the person who has upset them
- Anger- outs: people who are quick to express their anger , vocally or physically to the person who upsets them
- Anger Controllers: people who practice S-TLC (Stop, Think, Listen, Communicate ) Assertive individuals who do not let their feelings control how they respond in conflict situations. They still “get if off their chests” but they do it in more constructive ways.
13
Q
Anger may lead to what?
A
Interpersonal violence
14
Q
Anger is a ________.
A
Secondary emotion
15
Q
True or False: Adults aged 50+ are more likely to experience frequent and intense anger.
A
False
16
Q
What are we supposed to do with our anger according to the Bible?
A
Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath a harsh word stirs up anger”
Ephesians 4:25-27 “Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor,” for we are members of one another. “Be angry, and do not sin” do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.
17
Q
Read Matthew 18. Be familiar with the contents of this chapter (please give summary).
A
- Correcting Another Believer (v. 15-20): Jesus teaches us how to minister to a fellow Christian who is caught in sin. Since prolonged conflict usually involves sin, this passage is directly applicable to peacemaking.
- Matthew 18 Process:
- Step 1: Overlook Minor Offenses
- Step 2: Talk in Private
- Step 3: Take One or Two others Along
- Step 4: Tell It to the Church (Church Accountability
- Step 5: Treat Him as a Nonbeliever
18
Q
Know the 7 A’s of a full apology according to the Peacemaker text.
A
- Address Everyone Involved: You should confess your sins to every person who has been directly affected by your wrongdoing
- Avoid “If,” “But,” and “Maybe:” Do not use language that ruins your confession by making it seem better than it is or by shifting the blame to others. Own up to what you’ve done (Focus on I statements)
- Admit Specifically: The more detailed you are in your confession, the more likely you are to receive a positive response. Specificity helps convince others that you are sincerely owning up to what you’ve done.
- Acknowledge the Hurt: Express sorrow and remorse for how you have hurt someone. The goal is to show that you understand how the other person feels
- Accept the Consequences: Let them know that you realize there are consequences for what you’ve done, and that you are willing to accept them.
- Alter Your Behavior: Explain to the person how you are planning to alter your behavior.
- Ask For Forgiveness (and Allow Time): This signals that you have done all that you can to try to amend the relationship (if you have followed the other steps) and puts the ball into the other person’s court. You may have to give them time to forgive you.
19
Q
Breaking down the problem into its smallest piece is ____________.
A
Fractionation
20
Q
True or False: We all have images of ourselves, and we project that image (face) in the interactions we engage in.
A
True
21
Q
When restoration is the goal in the conflict, we should ______.
A
Keep the conflict between the two of us.
22
Q
Know the components of an “I” statement and be able to generate a statement that contains each of the required elements (please give the elements and an example).
A
- “I feel…when i…because i….I’d like…”
- Components:
- Feelings statement - a description of your feelings; link feelings to particular situations
- Problematic behavior statement - a description of the offensive, upsetting, incorrect, selfish behavior
- Consequences statement - a description of the consequences the problematic behavior has for you or others. Contains the word “because”. Ask yourself WHY you want the other person to change his/her behavior.
- Goal statement - a description of what you want specifically.
23
Q
What is our ultimate weapon when it comes to conflict situations according to Ken Sande’s text?
A
Deliberate, focused love. Instead of reacting spitefully to those who mistreat you, Jesus wants you to discern their deepest needs and do all you can to meet those needs. Acting lovingly will protect you from being defeated by anger, bitterness, and revenge. It may even bring the person attacking you to repentance.
24
Q
True or False: Stress is experienced subjectively as a biochemical reaction within the body because of the way in which we interpret and respond to external pressures.
A
True
25
True or False: Hypostress occurs when too many tasks and responsibilities pile up on us and we are unable to adapt to the changes or cope with all that is happening at once.
False
26
True or False: Distress arises when they don’t feel that they have control over the situation of when the source of stress is unclear.
True
27
True or False: Overblown conflict occurs when people refuse to exaggerate their reaction in a conflict situation.
False
28
Know what a BATNA is (please describe and give an example).
* Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement
* A BATNA is what one would use in a negotiation situation. It is the best deal that one can have, that end point that the buyer and seller both have. So when we were looking to “purchase a house” and we came up with the price we would stick to (which was based on our research and our budget) that was our BATNA.
29
Know what the PLEASE approach to conflict situations stands for. (please describe each of the steps)
1. Pause: When you are faced with conflict, it is best to take a step back to allow yourself to cool down and gain perspective before you tackle the problem.
2. List the issues that you believe are causing the current conflict. This can be done mentally or on paper. Containing the conflict and identifying the true source of the problem adds clarity to your thought process.
3. Evaluate the other party’s pre-existing conditions. Were they tired, hungry, or frustrated at someone else other than you when this particular conflict arose? How committed so you think they are to this relationship? For example, a conflict with a co-worker produces a higher commitment level than if the conflict involves an outside vendor.
4. Assess your own pre-existing conditions and commitment to the relationship. Are you experiencing a higher level of stress at work because you have a family member who is terminally ill? Did the conflict surface because you were in a hurry when you brought up the subject that seemed to initiate the conflict?
5. Seek understanding through a learning conversation. The approach differs drastically from a conversation that results in a mere information exchange. Your goal here is to confirm or alter your assessment of the other person by asking a lot of questions and being open to the information they share.
6. Execute the best strategy by which you will proceed in the relationship. Some of this options include avoid, compete, accommodate, compromise, or collaborate. The best choice always depends on the situation.
30
What is the attribution theory? Be able to apply this theory to a hypothetical situation.
* Attribution theory states that “people act the as they do in conflict situations because of the inferences they make about others based on their behavior”
* Attributions can either be internal (about the person’s personality) or external (about the person’s behavior)
* Example: Seeing someone watch their favorite TV show during finals week leads you to say to yourself “wow they are lazy”. This is an attribution error. The person later says to you that they were just watching one show after studying all day, it was their break. This clarifies the attribution error and can resolve the situation quickly.
31
List the four (4) main components found in the definition of interpersonal conflict.
* Conflicting parties are interdependent
* There is a perception by the parties of incompatible goals or incompatible means of achieving the same goal
* There will be an adverse affect to the relationship if the conflict goes unresolved
* There is a sense of urgency to resolve the conflict
32
List the four (4) commitments you must make if you truly want to forgive someone according to Ken Sande’s text.
* “I will not dwell on this incident.”
* “I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you.”
* “I will not talk to others about this incident.”
* “I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship.”
33
If you do choose to forgive, what two (2) main types of benefits will you enjoy?
* Benefits for our Mental Health - holding on to grief and hurt is psychologically unhealthy
* Benefits for our Physical Health - college students who forgive others perceive their health to be better than those who are not; those who are unforgiving experience higher levels of pain than those who forgive
34
What distinguishes the process of forgiveness from the process of reconciliation?
Forgiveness is cognitive while reconciliation is a behavior we engage in
35
What is the benefit of using Jack Gibb’s communication climate theory? Look it over and be familiar with at least a couple of the pairings that this theory contains.
* (Defensive behaviors --- Supportive behaviors) The goal is to transform defensive behaviors into supportive behaviors. They play a role in conflict climates because they with either encourage people to become closed and hostile or help them open up.
* Evaluation --- Nonjudgmental Description
* Evaluation consists of praise or blame, while nonjudgmental descriptions are worded to avoid threatening face.
* Control --- Problem Orientation
* Control is the attempt to dominate another’s behavior while problem orientation focuses on the issue instead of maintaining power.
* Strategy --- Spontaneity
* Neutrality --- Empathy
* Superiority --- Equality
* Certainty --- Provisionalism
36
Name some skills you should develop if you want to be an active listener.
Waiting, Attending, Clarifying, Reflecting, Agreeing
37
What are the 4 G’s of peacemaking according to Sande?
1. Glorify God
2. Get the Log out of your Eye
3. Gently Restore
4. Go and be Reconciled
38
Conflict Management
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