A Jewish Rabbi who conducted extensive research about death and dying. He wrote numerous books and articles on this subject.
He identified four (4) stages by age of how children deal/cope with death.
Rabbi Earl Grollman
Grollman’s (4) stages by age of how children deal/cope with death
- Stage 1 (Birth – 3 YEARS)
- Stage 2 (3 – 5 YEARS)
- Stage 3 (5 – 9 YEARS)
- Stage 4 (9+ YEARS)
no comprehension of death due to the limited intellectual and cognitive abilities of the child.
Stage 1 (Birth – 3 YEARS)
unable to understand the finality of death; death is like sleep or like taking a long journey
Stage 2 (3 – 5 YEARS)
may understand that death is final but may not accept it as something that happens to everyone, often personify death (boogeyman)
Stage 3 (5 – 9 YEARS)
understands that death is final
Stage 4 (9+ YEARS)
Conducted a study in 1948 in Budapest, Hungary and identified three (3) levels of how a child understands death.
Marie Nagy
Nagy’s (3) levels of how a child understands death.
- Level 1 (Birth – 5)
- Level 2 (5 – 9)
- Level 3 (9+)
a. Death is more “sensed” than understood intellectually.
b. Their perception is being “asleep” or temporarily gone.
c. They have numerous questions about the body, casket, grave and cemetery.
Level 1 (Birth – 5)
a. Death is viewed outside the child and often personified.
b. Child believes he/she can escape death by outwitting the “death person”.
c. Eventually sees death as irreversible.
Level 2 (5 – 9)
Completely understands that death is final and inevitable.
Level 3 (9+)
EXPLAINING DEATH TO CHILDREN (BE SPECIFIC!):
WHAT NOT TO SAY:
- Make believe stories or fairy tales
- Something you wouldn’t believe yourself
- Mother has gone on a long journey
- God took dad away because he wants and loves the good in heaven
- Daddy are in heaven
- Grandma died cause she was sick
- To die is to sleep
EXPLAINING DEATH TO CHILDREN (BE SPECIFIC!):
WHAT TO SAY:
- Share your own religious convictions
- Speak in concrete terms rather than philosophical ones
- Grant permission to cry or express feelings
- Acknowledge when you do not know the answer
Should children go funeral? CHILDREN ND FUNERALS:
The funeral is an important occasion in the life of the family. A child should have the same right as other members of the family to attend the funeral. Not only is it correct to permit a child to attend a funeral, but approximately the age of 7, a child should be encouraged to attend.
- Children understand death in different ways based on the attitudes of others.
- The child’s experience with dying and death and the death education she/he receives determines the child’s future handling of grief throughout a lifetime.
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What can the funeral director do (child understanding)?
- Knowledge is power.
- The funeral home/funeral director can have children’s books dealing with death available for children as part of their aftercare program.
- Or, a list of these books for families.
- Or, donate children’s grief books to the local library and direct the families there.
- EDUCATE-EDUCATE-EDUCATE
Aftercare describes appropriate acts of helping and/or counseling individuals/families through the grieving process.
AFTERCARE
It’s the “service after the service” the funeral home and other agencies and organizations provide free of charge to the bereaved.
AFTERCARE
Purpose of Aftercare
Facilitate the mourning process through education and support opportunities within a non-judgmental framework.
Also known as the post-funeral follow-up.
Why is Aftercare important?
•Sociological Factors
•Psychological Factors
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- Due to the urbanization and mobilization there is limited support from extended families when dealing with the grief process.
- Most people have very limited experience with death and the mourning process.
Sociological Factors
- Lack of emotional support after the death of a loved one can lead to a complicated grief situation if not addressed appropriately.
- Information provided to help the bereaved find professional support is invaluable.
Psychological Factors
Types of Aftercare
• Information-oriented
• Direct care
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- Books and other print materials
- Audio-visual
- Internet resources: websites, YouTube videos
- Funeral home lending library or grief resource center would be a valuable resource for bereaved families.
Information-oriented
