Intimate Relationships

Question 1

Why We Form Relationships

Answer 1

• Attraction
• Intimacy
• Rewards

Question 2

Attraction

Answer 2

• Similarity and complementarity
• Reciprocal Attraction
• Competence
• Disclosure
• Proximity

Question 3

Intimacy

Answer 3

• Dimensions of Intimacy
• Masculine and Feminine Intimacy Styles
• Cultural Influences on Intimacy
• The Limits of Intimacy

Question 4

Rewards

Answer 4

Social Exchange Theory:
•We often seek out people who can give us rewards that are greater than or equal to the costs we encounter in dealing with them.
•Rewards – Costs = Outcomes

Question 5

Models of Relational Development and Maintenance

Answer 5

• Developmental Models

- Dialectical Perspectives

Question 6

Developmental Models

Answer 6

• Initiating
• Experimenting
• Intensifying
• Integrating
• Bonding
• Differentiating
• Circumscribing
• Stagnating
• Avoiding
• Terminating

Question 7

Social Exchange Theory:

Answer 7

We often seek out people who can give us rewards that are greater than or equal to the costs we encounter in dealing with them.

Question 8

Developmental Models: Relational Maintenance

Answer 8

communication aimed at keeping relationships operating smoothly and satisfactorily
•Integrating
•Bonding 
•Differentiating
•Circumscribing

Question 9

Developmental Models: Coming Together

Answer 9

• Initiating
• Experimenting
• Intensifying

Question 10

Developmental Models: Coming Apart

Answer 10

• Stagnating
• Avoiding
• Terminating

Question 11

“The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”

Answer 11

1. Criticism versus Complaint
2. Contempt
3. Defensiveness
4. Stonewalling

Question 12

A complaint identifies specific action a criticism is global eg “you forgot to put gas in the car” vs “you never keep your word”

Answer 12

Criticism versus Complaint

Question 13

A set of behaviours that communicate disgust eg eyerolling, sneering, name calling

Answer 13

Contempt

Question 14

The behaviours send the message “it’s you, not me” –avoid any responsibilty

Answer 14

Defensiveness

Question 15

As a result of the above one partner tunes out and acts as if they could not care less

Answer 15

Stonewalling

Question 16

Dialectical Perspectives

Answer 16

• Connection vs. Autonomy
• Predictability vs. Novelty
• Openness vs. Privacy

Question 17

We seek involvement but at the same time we are unwilling to sacrifice our entire identity

Answer 17

Connection vs. Autonomy

Question 18

The balance between too much familiarity and the need for change or novelty

Answer 18

Predictability vs. Novelty

Question 19

Disclosure is large part of our relationship, however we still need to maintain some space between ourselves and others

Answer 19

Openness vs. Privacy

Question 20

Strategies for Managing Dialectical Tensions:

Answer 20

• Denial
• Disorientation
• Alternation
• Balance
• Integration
• Recalibration
• Reaffirmation

Question 21

Characteristics of Relational Development and Maintenance

Answer 21

Relationships are constantly changing

-Movement is always to a new place

Question 22

The process of deliberately revealing information about oneself that is significant and that would not normally be known by others

Answer 22

Self-Disclosure

Question 23

Degrees of Self- Disclosure: Social penetration model

Answer 23

• Breadth

- Depth

Question 24

Degrees of Self- Disclosure

Answer 24

• Cliches
• Facts
• Opinions
• Feelings

Question 25

Ritualized stock responses to social situations, virtually the opposite of self disclosure- “nice weather we are having, hey?”

Answer 25

Cliches

Question 26

“I’m engaged and getting married on September 14th” when meeting a stranger

Answer 26

Facts

Question 27

“I wish we were getting married at Christmas” or “I want a small wedding”

Answer 27

Opinions

Question 28

“I feel worried about the whole thing” or “I am so excited and happy!”

Answer 28

Feelings

Question 29

A Model of Self Disclosure: Johari Window

Answer 29

- open area - blind area - hidden area - unknown area

Question 30

Information of which both you and the other person are aware

Answer 30

open area

Question 31

Information of which you are unaware but of which the other person is aware

Answer 31

blind area

Question 32

Information you know but will not share

Answer 32

hidden area

Question 33

Information unknown to you and others

Answer 33

unknown area

Question 34

Characteristics of Self-Disclosure

Answer 34

* Self-disclosure usually occurs in dyads. * Self-disclosure occurs incrementally. * Relatively few transactions involve high levels of self-disclosure. * Self-disclosure is relatively scarce. * Self-disclosure usually occurs in the context of positive relationships.

Question 35

Reasons for Self-Disclosure

Answer 35

* Catharsis * Self-Clarification * Self-Validation * Reciprocity * Identity Management * Relationship Maintenance and Enhancement * Social Control * Manipulation

Question 36

* Is the other person important to you? * Is the risk of disclosing reasonable? * Is the disclosure relevant to the situation at hand? * Are the amount and type of disclosure appropriate? * Will the effect be constructive? * Is the self-disclosure clear and understandable? * Is the disclosure reciprocated?

Answer 36

Guidelines for Self-Disclosure

Question 37

Alternatives to Self-Disclosure

Answer 37

- Lying - Equivocating - Hinting - The Ethics of Evasion

Question 38

Is defined (at least by the teller) as unmalicious, or even helpful to the person to whom it is told

Answer 38

White Lie

Question 39

Reasons for Lying

Answer 39

1. To save face 2. To avoid tension/conflict 3. To guide social interaction 4. To expand or reduce relationships 5. To gain power

Question 40

Ambiguous language that has two or more equally plausible meanings.

Answer 40

Equivocal language

Question 41

The value of equivocation:

Answer 41

* It spares the receiver from embarrassment. * It can save face for both the sender and receiver. * It provides an alternative to lying.

Question 42

Hinting

Answer 42

A hint seeks to get a desired response from another person

Question 43

Some argue that the morality of a speaker’s motives for lying ought to be judged, not the lie itself, and others ask whether the effects of a lie will be worth the deception.

Answer 43

The Ethics of Evasion