Lecture 20: Dissolution & Loss

Question 1

stay/leave decision studies

Answer 1

• Qualitative study examining participants in dissolution consideration phase
• Focusing on participants currently contemplating breaking up helps mitigate memory biases
• Couples generated 27 distinct reasons for staying & 23 reasons for leaving

Question 2

common reasons for wanting to stay in a relationship

Answer 2

• emotional intimacy
• emotional investment
• family duty
• desirable partner personality traits
• enjoyment
• emotional security

Question 3

common reasons for wanting to leave

Answer 3

• partner flaws
• breach of trust
• partner withdrawal
• external reasons
• physical distance
• conflict
• incompatibility

Question 4

stay/leave decision conflict

Answer 4

• Ambivalence is common
• 49% of participants reported higher-than-midpoint stay and leave motivation
• Particularly pronounced among anxiously attached individuals
• Strong desire for relationships & reliance on partner for validation, but also heightened sensitivity to negativity within relationship
• Generally, relationship ambivalence is associated with negative health outcomes (ex. Coronary heart disease), greater physiological arousal, more negative emotions

Question 5

meta-analysis of non-marital breakups

Answer 5

• What factors predict breakups?
• A meta-analysis of 137 longitudinal studies conducted over 30 years with a total of over 37,700 participants
• Studies included if they were longitudinal, assessed one or more relevant predictors, and assessed relationship stability at a later time

Question 6

meta-analysis of non-marital breakups findings

Answer 6

• Individual-level factors such as attachment style & big 5 personality traits showed relatively small or null effects
• Relationship-level factors show stronger effects

Question 7

predicting relationship dissolution

Answer 7

• Although people in relationships tend to focus on individual & relational factors, relationships exist in a broader context
• Individual, relational, and external context factors are likely to interact in complex ways to shape breakup risk

Question 8

vulnerability-stress adaptation model (VSA)

Answer 8

• Enduring vulnerabilities
  (ex. adverse experiences in family of origin, insecure attachment, neuroticism, impulsivity, low education level)
• Stressful events
  (ex. unemployment, life transitions, illness, childbirth)
• Adaptive processes: the ways couples deal with challenges & conflict
  (ex. communication styles, stress management)

Question 9

personal factors in the VSA model

Answer 9

enduring vulnerabilities

Question 10

relational processes in the VSA model

Answer 10

adaptive processes, marital quality, and marital stability

Question 11

environmental factors in the VSA model

Answer 11

stressful events

Question 12

stress

Answer 12

a set of physiological, emotional, and cognitive changes in response to a demanding challenge in the environment (a stressor)

Question 13

Stress spillover

Answer 13

many of the stressors couples face are external to the relationship but these have the power to affect the relationship

Question 14

stress & attention

Answer 14

• Stress drives an attentional shift to what is salient in the environment & heightens sensitivity to threat
• This interferes with more complex forms of cognitive processing

Question 15

stress & accomodation

Answer 15

Stress impedes accommodation (ex. Physiological arousal during marital discussions is associated with increased negative reciprocity)

Question 16

stress diary studies

Answer 16

• Negative marital interactions are more likely to be reported on days that had been stressful
• Also more likely on weekdays vs. weekenders

Question 17

stress in air traffic controller study

Answer 17

higher workload predicts greater withdrawal at home

Question 18

blame attributions & stress study

Answer 18

Wives are more likely to make blame attributions for negative partner behaviour when under stress

Question 19

stress in relationships

Answer 19

• Enduring vulnerabilities affect both propensity to experience stress (path C) and ability to cope with stressors (path B)
• Parental discord & divorce is associated with lower accomplishment (path C) as well as poorer social skills in adults (path B)
• Individuals high in negative affectivity are more likely to appraise situations as stressful and make more negative attributions for partner behaviour
• Couples who are more supportive & have stronger coping skills are not as negatively impacted by stressful events, amy even experience boosts to relationship satisfaction

Question 20

disapproval from couple’s social network in relationships and stress

Answer 20

• Disapproval from the couple’s social network may place additional strain on relationships
• Implications for couples in same-sex relationships
• Having a supportive social network may be especially important when facing other difficulties
• But, determinants of marital quality and stability are multifactorial
• Individual & relational factors influence adjustment
• Overall, no evidence that same-sex relationships are less satisfying despite external stressors

Question 21

historical trends in divorce

Answer 21

• Increased since mid-1930s
• Appears to be slowing down, but 50% of marriages in the US will end in separation or divorce

Question 22

reasons for changes in historical trends in divorce

Answer 22

1. Change in expectations
2. Increasing individualism
3. Financial independence of women
4. Changing perceptions of divorce
5. Increased exposure to divorce

Question 23

changes in expectations

Answer 23

• As people become more secluded from their communities, they put more expectations on their romantic partner
• This might explain why the number of “very happily” married people has been decreasing since the 1970s
• Marriages may not be getting worse, but rather, our expectations are too high

Question 24

increasing individualism

Answer 24

• Western culture is becoming more individualistic
• Less tied to communities and less likely to live near extended family
• This means less social support and companionship
• We ask more of our spouses than we did in the past
• This can put a strain on the relationship
• Since the 1980s, there’s been a decline in how likely we are to ask our family and friends for help and an increase in how likely we are to ask our spouse for help
• We are also less affected by community norms that discourage us from divorce

Question 25

financial independence of women

Answer 25

- Women have the economic freedom to leave dissatisfying relationships - Reduced barriers, higher quality of alternatives - Spouses report more conflict between work and family, and the more hours a wife works outside the home, the lower the quality of the marriage - Higher costs - The amount of time spouses spend together has declined

Question 26

changing perceptions of divorce

Answer 26

- Divorce is less shameful and easier to obtain - Shared perceptions of divorce are a lot less negative - Another example of reduced barriers - Less likely to work hard to rescue a faltering relationship when divorce seems like an easier alternative

Question 27

increased exposure to divorce

Answer 27

- There are more children of divorce - Children who experience the divorce of their parents are more likely to divorce themselves when they become adults - More of us have friends who are divorced - When others in our social network divorce, we’re more likely to do so too

Question 28

disillusionment model of divorce

Answer 28

- Couples typically begin their marriages with romanticized views of their relationship that are unrealistically positive, setting them up for disappointment - These relationships don’t necessarily turn acrimonious, but the steep declines in relationship satisfaction produce instability

Question 29

divorce rates in Canada

Answer 29

Divorce rates in Canada relative to the US & are also on the decline

Question 30

what explains divorce rates in Canada?

Answer 30

- Not as many people are getting married - We may be selecting for especially strong unions - Enduring dynamics model: marriages that start with higher levels of problems & ambiguity are less satisfying & stable) - People are getting married later and tend to have more education (protective factors) - But, rates of divorce in older populations are increasing

Question 31

breakup tactics

Answer 31

- avoidance/withdrawal - positive tone/self-blame - open confrontation - cost escalation - manipulation - distant/mediated communication - de-escalation

Question 32

Avoidance/withdrawal

Answer 32

increasing distance, decreasing intimacy & affection

Question 33

Positive tone/self-blame

Answer 33

taking responsibility for the breakup and trying to spare the partner’s feelings

Question 34

Open confrontation

Answer 34

openly and directly communicating desire for breakup

Question 35

Cost escalation

Answer 35

increasing partner’s costs to motivate them to break up with you first

Question 36

manipulation

Answer 36

ex. Using mutual friends to convey dissatisfaction

Question 37

Distant/mediated communication

Answer 37

Changing Facebook status, breakup texts

Question 38

de-escalation

Answer 38

ex. Taking a break

Question 39

consequences of breakup tactics

Answer 39

- Indirect strategies reflect less compassion for the recipient. They’re associated with greater distress post-breakup - Direct strategies are perceived more positively - Use of positive tone has inconsistent effects. It’s seen as compassionate, but, it’s associated with negative outcomes for the recipient. It may be used by disengaged to decrease current leave of intimacy while leaving the door open for increased intimacy later. It’s associated with greater likelihood of re-entering the relationship. More likely to be used if the disengager feels the target won’t be able to cope

Question 40

churning

Answer 40

- Re-entering the relationship - Associated with greater uncertainty, stress, and less satisfaction

Question 41

when are direct strategies more likely?

Answer 41

when intimacy, closeness, and social network overlap are high

Question 42

when are indirect strategies more likely?

Answer 42

when intimacy & closeness are low

Question 43

attachment avoidance and breakup strategies

Answer 43

- More indirect strategies - Fewer strategies that leave the door open to reconnection (ex. Positive tone)

Question 44

attachment anxiety and breakup strategies

Answer 44

- Strategies that allow for later reconnection & postpone the breakup (ex. Positive tone/self-blame, and de-escalation) - Consistent with research on stay/leave decision conflicts, association between attachment anxiety & tendency to have on-again/off-again relationships

Question 45

ghosting

Answer 45

- Breaking up by avoiding online & offline contact - Lack of explicit breakup declaration or explanation for the breakup

Question 46

research on ghosting

Answer 46

- Research has not found ghosting to be worse than more direct strategies - It’s seen as more acceptable in short-term relationships - But in one study of ghosting, relationships in which ghosting occurred lasted 6 months on average and commitment ratings were above 4 on a 1-7 scale - Ghosting disengaged motivated by feelings of disinterest - Those with stronger destiny beliefs are more likely to ghost

Question 47

post-dissolution reactions

Answer 47

- Marital dissolution & the death of a spouse are ranked as the two most stressful life events - Breakups are associated with a host of negative effects (ex. Sadness, anxiety, anger, low self-esteem, loss of apetitite, trouble sleeping, etc.) - Romantic breakups in young adulthood increase the risk for negative mental health outcomes, including first onset of major depressive disorder

Question 48

breakup role & reactions

Answer 48

- Individuals who initiated breakups, as well as individuals in mutually dissolved relationships, generally experience less distress relative to individuals who were broken up with - Uncomfortable events tend to be more distressing - But, there is some mixed evidence for the effect of the breakup role

Question 49

theoretical perspectives for understanding breakups

Answer 49

Attachment theory & self-expansion theory may be two particularly useful frameworks for understanding the strength of negative reactions

Question 50

attachment theory & breakups

Answer 50

- In adulthood, romantic partners/spouses often serve as primary attachment figures - The termination of a relationship represents the loss of a safe haven and secure base - This necessitates re-organization of attachment hierarchy - Potential damage to models of self & other

Question 51

Social pain theory

Answer 51

- Social attachment system is built on top of physical pain systems - One potential reason that breakups may hurt so much is because they engage some of the same brain mechanisms involved in physical pain

Question 52

self-expansion theory & breakups

Answer 52

- Breakups generate distress by leading to the contraction & destabilization of self-concept - Size of self-concept & self-concept clairty ( extent to which we feel certain about aspects of the self and perceive them to be internally consistent & temporally stable) - Particularly true for those who experienced more self-expansion in relationship - Rediscovering sense of self is associated with better breakup recovery and breakup-related growth

Question 53

getting over a breakup

Answer 53

- Adjustment takes time, but distress does not fade - Don’t stalk their social media - Don’t ruminate, but do reflect - Seek support - Remind yourself of alternatives, especially if you’re higher in attachment anxiety - Pursue self-expanding activities and rediscover your sense of self - Remember that you are a worthwhile human being