Love

Question 1

Defining Love

Answer 1

• Not easily definable and therefore measured by concepts of attachment, intimacy, compassion, and infatuation, which are related to and often treated as measures of love
• Love is viewed as the primary reason for getting and staying married
• People are often free to be themselves in a loving relationship and expose their feelings, fragilities, and strengths.
• There is acceptance and empathy for one’s partner, not focusing on oneself
• Requires commitment which is the willingness to work through problems and conflicts as opposed to calling it quits when problems arise; conflict is seen as an expected and normal part of growing together.

Question 2

Defining Love cont.

Answer 2

• Committed lovers have fun together; they also share tedious times
• They express themselves freely
• They do not see problems as indications that their relationship is over
• They work to maintain their relationship
• Commitment is characterized by a willingness to work through problems and conflicts
• Authors, poets, song writers, philosophers, theologians, and so forth have tried to define love

Question 3

LOVE

Answer 3

Marriages between individuals with a relatively secure attachment style that take place around age twenty-five and are between partners who grew up in intact families are most likely to be satisfying and stable

Question 4

refers to close, connected, and bonded feelings in a loving relationship.
Sharing one’s self and one’s possessions, receiving and giving emotional support, having intimate communication

Answer 4

intimacy

Question 5

refers to the drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, sexual consummation, and the like in a loving relationship

Answer 5

passion

Question 6

consists of not only deciding to love someone but also deciding to maintain that love

Answer 6

commitment

Question 7

________ love is composed of all three components (intimacy, passion, commitment) and is a complete love

Answer 7

Consummate

Question 8

Attachment Theory & Loving Relationships

Answer 8

• A secure attachment style is associated with better prospects for a committed relationship
• An insecure/anxious attachment style entails “fear of abandonment” with possible consequences such as jealousy or trying to control one’s partner
• An avoidant attachment style leads one to pass up or shun closeness or intimacy.

Question 9

6 Love styles

Answer 9

1. Eros - characterized by intense emotional attachment and powerful sexual feelings or desires
2. Storge - an affectionate, companionate style of loving focused on deepening mutual commitment, respect, friendship, and common goals
3. Pragma - involves rational assessment of a potential partner’s assets and liabilities
4. Agape - emphasizes unselfish concern for the beloved’s needs even when that requires personal sacrifice
5. Ludus - emphasizes enjoying many sexual partners rather than searching for a serious relationship
6. Mania - rests on strong sexual attraction an emotional intensity. It differs from eros in that manic partners are extremely jealous and moody, and their need for attention and affection is insatiable.

Question 10

3 things love isn’t:

Answer 10

1. Martyring - involves maintaining relationships by consistently minimizing one’s own needs while trying to satisfy those of one’s partner
2. Manipulation - continual attempts to get others to feel or do what we want them to
3. Limerence - not all the crazy feelings you get when you can’t get someone out of your mind. It is fantasizing about being with one’s partner in all kinds of situations and reviewing every detail about the last time you saw the person.

Question 11

Legitimate needs

Answer 11

• Arise in the present rather than out of deficits accumulated in the past
• Do not depend on others to make themselves feel lovable or of worth
• Examples:
  1. Ongoing social and emotional support
  2. Emotional support and understanding
  3. Companionship
  4. Sexual sharing

Question 12

Deficiency needs

Answer 12

• “Illegitimate needs” arise from feelings of self-doubt, unworthiness, and inadequacy
• Often, people who feel deficient count on others to convince them that they are worthwhile.
• Creates a dependence upon others for one’s self-worth
• No amount of loving will convince a person that she or he is worthwhile or lovable if that person doesn’t already believe it.

Question 13

3 types of emotional dependence:

Answer 13

1. A-frame (dependent)
2. H-frame (independent)
3. M-frame (interdependent)

Question 14

A-frame Relationships

Answer 14

• Symbolized by the capital letter A
• Partners have a strong couple identity but little sense of themselves as individuals
• Like the long lines in the letter A, they lean on each other to an extreme
• This extreme dependence is called enmeshment by sociologists
• The relationship is structured so that if one lets go, the other falls

Question 15

H-frame Relationships

Answer 15

• Extreme independence
• Partners stand virtually alone, each self-sufficient and neither influenced much by the other
• There is little or no couple identity and little emotionality
• If one lets go, the other hardly feels a thing
• Like roommates, not lovers

Question 16

M-frame Relationships

Answer 16

• Rest on interdependence
• Each partner has an adequate sense of self (unlike in the A-frame relationship), and partners experience loving as a deep emotion (unlike in the H-frame Relationship).
• The relationship involves mutual influence and emotional support
• Healthy balance between individuality and togetherness

Question 17

Assortative Mating: A Filtering Out Process

Answer 17

• Homogamy: the tendency of people to form committed, and especially marital, relationships with others whom they share certain social characteristics
• Begin with pool of eligibles: a group of individuals who are the un-married or unpartnered individuals
• Start funneling process through geographic availability: people meet each other around them and who are like themselves
• Followed by demographic and social filters: people tend to form committed relationships with people of similar race, age, education, religious background, and social class
• Filtering process continues with physical attractiveness: most partners marry a partner of similar physical attractiveness as their own
• The funneling continues more through personality and lifestyle: personality traits can set the tone of the emotional climate of marriages; in order for relationships to flourish long term, couples need to be intellectually, ideologically, and spiritually compatible
• The final filter is cohabitation and engagement: engagement is the way most couples indicate to others they are serious in their intentions toward one another; cohabitation is increasingly an important filter in the decision to marry in order to “test out” the relationship

Question 18

Heterogamy in Relationships

Answer 18

The opposite of endogamy is exogamy or heterogamy, which is marrying outside one’s group and choosing someone dissimilar in race, education, religion, or social class

Question 19

Interracial and Interethnic Heterogamy

Answer 19

• Interracial marriages include unions between partners of the white, black, Asian, or Native American races with a spouse outside their own race

Question 20

Reasons for interracial and interethnic relationships

Answer 20

• Relatively small number of pool of eligibles in their own race/ethnicity
• Status exchange hypothesis: the argument that an individual might trade his or her socially defined superior racial/ethnic status for the economically or educationally superior status in a less-privileged racial/ethnic group

Question 21

Interfaith Relationships

Answer 21

• One study showed that 45% of married couples married outside of their religion
• Some religions encourage homogamy, and press this by asking prospective spouses to convert

Question 22

Dating/Daters

Answer 22

Daters referred to themselves as boyfriend and girlfriend
Close in age
Reported that sex brought them closer,
Tell friends about their relationships

Question 23

Non-dating/Non-daters

Answer 23

Reported not wanting a boyfriend or girlfriend
Partners include friends and exes
Relationships lasted days or years
Greater gap in ages
Sex did not bring the couple closer
They did not tell friends

Question 24

The Wheel of love:

Four stages of love:

Answer 24

Rapport - rests on mutual trust and respect
Self-revelation - sharing intimate information
Mutual dependency - developing interdependence
Needs fulfillment - developing emotional exchange and support

Question 25

From Dating to Commitment:

Answer 25

- Hinting, joking, testing, and scrutinizing a partner's words and behavior characterizes this process followed by a "marriage conversation" - If one rejects marriage conversation: 1. One partner's hopes must be relinquished, although the relationship may continue. 2. A partner may deliver and ultimatum, leading to marriage or break up - The Wheel of Love: according to this theory, the development of love has 4 stages in a circular process that can continue indefinitely

Question 26

Courtship

Answer 26

- Marriage Proposals | - Including the family: asking father's permission: old fashioned or considerate?

Question 27

any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient

Answer 27

sexual assault

Question 28

using verbal or emotional pressure, one's position of power, or other means to manipulate the victim in sexual activity

Answer 28

sexual coercion

Question 29

Dating Violence

Answer 29

- Most interpersonal violence is reciprocal, and both genders engage in physical aggression; however, the most serious injuries result from male violence against females - Risk factors for interpersonal violence include childhood sexual abuse or neglect and low self-esteem - Usually begins with verbal or psychological abuse and is often accompanied with it as well - About half of abusive dating relationships continue rather than being broken off: normal (family norm), martyring, cost versus rewards

Question 30

"Why I Stayed"

Answer 30

- Self-deception: Rationalization - "It was my fault", Minimization - "It's not that bad" - Self worth - Fear - Savior - help partner, change partner, not giving up - Children - Family expectations and experiences - Financial - Isolation/No social support

Question 31

Breaking Up

Answer 31

- Some relationships keep turning on that wheel, reverse, or slow down - Committed love may require sacrifice but should never hurt; the hardest part of a relationship is knowing when to salvage things and when not to - Exchange Perspective: More likely to breakup when costs outweigh the rewards, Principle of Least Interest: the one that cares holds the least power, the less involved partner wields more power and control in the relationship - The one that holds the least power is more inclined to jealousy and more willing to forgive their partner for relationship indiscretions