necessity of letting go
some goals are unattainable, and some become unattainable with time
some goals are unattainable due to…
- unrealistic expectations from the start
- changing circumstances
- conflicts with other priorities
- loss of importance over time
- high costs (mental, physical, financial)
other constraints (ie. interpersonal)
why is goal disengagement important?
- every goal we pursue requires us to give up something else up (OPPORTUNITY COST)
- by hanging on to unattainable goals, we MISS OUT ON OTHER, potentially attainable goals and their attendant material and psychological benefits (ie. pride, joy, psychological need satisfaction)
- REPEATED FAILURES & STAGNATION experienced in pursuit of an unattainable goal can produce chronic stress, resulting in anxiety, depression, cortisol & immune system dysregulation
repeated failure & stagnation experienced in pursuit of unattainable goals can produce what?
chronic stress
results in anxiety, depression, cortisol and immune system dysregulation
(both mental and physical health suffer)
action crises
period of INDECISION when individual is TORN between goal persistence and disengagement
jerky, unpleasant experience of back and forth and uncertainty
simultaneous drives to approach and to avoid
when do action crises occur?
when there’s been SIGNIFICANT INVESTMENT in a goal
but REPEATED SETBACKS or DECLINING DESIRABILITY make the goal less appealing
negative impacts of action crisses
- increased stress & reduced wellbeing (anxiety)
- dysregulation of physiological stress responses
- problematic health symptoms (ie. headaches, fatigue, sleep disturbances)
- worse performance
protective factors against action crises
autonomous motivation
autonomous motivation as a protective factor against severe action crises
pursuing goals for personal interests/values
this points you towards true north - keeps you going despite setbacks and challenges
controlled motivation and action crises
pursuing goals due to external pressure
leads to higher risk of doubt, inner conflict, and disengagement
because there’s a mismatch between what we feel we should do and what we really want to do
motivation and subsequent susceptibility to action crises varies from…
GOAL TO GOAL WITHIN AN INDIVIDUAL
less likely to experience severe action crises on our most autonomous goals
is there any benefit to action crises?
function of action crises:
force us to REASSESS our goals and either:
- commit more fully to a goal
- disengage from a goal
(like a fork in the road moment where you really must decide what path to take)
steps to goal disengagement
- withdrawal of behavioural effort
- dissolving motivational commitment
- finding an attractive alternative goal to pursue
3 possible paths in response to an unattainable goal
- maintain effort, maintain commitment
- give up effort, maintain commitment
- give up effort, give up commitment
maintaining effort and commitment (in response to an unattainable goal)
has potential for psychological distress
giving up effort and maintaining commitment (in response to an unattainable goal)
has potential for psychological distress
(the “frozen goal”)
giving up effort and giving up commitment (in response to an unattainable goal)
has potential for psychological WELLBEING
if you first adopt a NEW, ALTERNATIVE GOAL
inaction crises
decisional conflict that occurs AFTER deciding to disengage from a goal
when you second guess yourself after having made the decision to quit
marked by DOUBT, REGRET, INTERNAL CONFLICT about abandoning the goal
inaction crises disrupt what process?
the disengagement process
action and inaction crises in context of romantic relationship
ACTION CRISIS: things aren’t going well, conflicted about whether you should stay or leave
but eventually you decide to leave
INACTION CRISIS: second guessing if leaving was the correct decision
^ want to reach back out to partner, you’re mentally stuck between moving on and considering reconciliation
why is it so hard to let go? 4 reasons
- letting go of a goal can THREATEN SELF-CONCEPT if the goal is closely tied to one’s IDENTITY and SELF-WORTH
- sunk cost fallacy
- concerns about social disapproval
- misjudging the goal’s attainability
sunk cost fallacy
tendency to CONTINUE INVESTING in a goal solely because of past investments
even when letting go would be the more rational choice
letting go of goals: concerns about social disapproval
one of the things that makes it hard to abandon goals
- quitting is seen as a failure
- social investment - maybe your parents/partner has put time into your goal
- public commitment can backfire when trying to disengage (ie. if you told your friends you were gonna run a marathon)
letting go of goals: misjudging the goal’s attainability
one of the things that makes goal disengagement hard
positive illusions
planning fallacy
availability heuristic (imagining an event increases its perceived likelihood)
