Define the coaching relationship, “the heart of coaching”.
1st goal- build a trusting relationship
Ensure safe space and supportive relationship for personal growth, discovery, or transformation.
Mutual respect and acceptance, confidence and reassurance, and the client feels safe to share fears without judgement from the coach.
- Show genuine concern
- Continuously demonstrates personal integrity, honesty and sincerity
- Establishes clear agreements and keeps promises
- Demonstrates respect for client’s perceptions, learning style, personal being
- Provides ongoing support and for champions new behaviors and actions, including those involving risk taking and fear of failure
- Asks permission to coach client in sensitive, new areas
Common denominator is “RELATIONSHIP”
People seek frequent positive interaction with long-term caring relationships.
1ST FACTOR: Quality of client coach relationship is the best predictor of client success.
2ND FACTOR: Set of personal characteristics for the coach.
- empathetic
- inspiring confidence
- appearing competent
- his or her own positive mental health
- ability of the coach to operate from the client’s value system
A respectful, collaborative, client-centered coaching relationship also supports self-determination.
RELATEDNESS, one of the key components in the development of self-determination, is nurtured when one is in a relationship; it conveys respect, and the individual feels valued and experiences warmth and empathy from the coach.
Describe the skills for establishing trust and rapport within a coaching relationship.
Trust: willingness to be vulnerable to another based on the confidence that the other is benevolent, honest, open, reliable, and competent.
- Hold unconditional positive regard: being completely accepting toward another person, without reservations.
- Show empathy: Avoid sympathy (IDing with the client’s experience on an emotional level and experiencing the same emotions or emotional contagion) and pity (a strong feeling of sadnesss or sympathy for someone that causes sadness pr disappointment). In the context of coaching: a respectful understanding of another person’s experience, including his or her feelings, needs and desires. You seek to understand. “I see, okay, sure, right”. Acknowledges client’s right to fellow he or she chooses without negative feelings.
- Be a humble role model: walk the talk without being boastful and arrogant. Be humble. Never dominate the conversation with one’s experience. AT beginning, brief summary. Ask what more do you want to know about me?
- Slow down: build rapport over time. Have a relaxed presence.
- Under-promise and over-deliver: a good coach delivers on every promise.
- The client finds the answers, as far as is possible: preserve client autonomy. Ask permission to offer expertise and teaching. Foster growth, do not force.
- Confidentiality is crucial: Establish orally and in writing. HIPPA
- Be authentic:
9: Mindfulness: the non-judgmental awareness of what is happening in the present moment. Start with a mindfulness exercise. Minute of silence and breath work. Or explore and object with a beginner’s mind.
- where am I?
- what is my body position?
- what is going on around me?
- am I really hungry?
- what does my food like, feel, smell like?
- what am I thinking about?
- what am I feeling?
- what do I really want to eat?
- how can I enhance experience of eating?
How to practice mindfulness before a session:
- take 3 deep breaths
- close the eyes for 5 seconds
- become aware of your breathing
- say to yourself “I am grateful for this opportunity to connect and make a difference. I have an opportunity to make a pivotal contribution. I am open and curious about what will unfold.”
What are the three core coaching skills?
- Mindful listening
- Open-ended inquiry
- Perceptive reflections
Describe mindful listening.
Most important. Build quality of conversation.
100% present.
Nonjugdmental awareness of what is happening in the moment.
Listen for facts and feelings.
Set coach’s emotions aside. “Listen until I don’t exist”.
QUICK TIPS:
- Do not think about what you will say next until your client has spoken the last word of his or her thought
- Pause after your client has spoken.
- Weave the client’s last words into the next step
- Weave the client’s story into later steps
- Listen for emotions as well as facts
- Do not interrupt (except in rare moment when your client wanders off track
- Mirror what the client has said to confirm your understanding
Describe open ended inquiry.
CEO Left Pre-frontal Cortex/analytical
Elicit long, narrative answers.
“WHAT” and “HOW” = storytelling
Do not use “WHY” as it provokes analysis rather than storytelling. Can be used at time when connecting to motivators like “Why do you treasure your vision and goals, and why do they matter so deeply”?
Ask closed ended questions when getting a patient to commit. “Are you ready to move forward?
Do not rush clients through telling their story.
SEE LIST OF OPEN-ENDED INQUIRY ON PAGE 36
Describe perceptive reflections:
Limbic emotions, pleasures, rewards
Integrates use of higher and lower brain regions.
Too many questions in a row leads to interrogation.
Another way of listening.
Enable clients to hear what they are saying from the vantage point of another person.
More provocative and transformational than inquiry because it causes clients to connect more deeply to their emotions and truth of the matter.
Purpose: elicit ideas and conversation that support change. The case for change comes from the client.
Restate what a client says in more or less their own words.
Mirror.
Identify additional tools for developing the coaching relationship.
- Postive reframing: People tend to focus on failures and negative. Don’t dismiss but encourage to reframe. “I hear you are disappointed and frustrated you _____. Tell me about the good choices you did make last week”.
- Silence: After asking question, do not talk again until after the client answers. Use WAIT acronym- Why Am I Talking. “I believe you can figure this out by going deeper”.
- Humor and Playfulness:
- Championing: Upbeat & energetic attitude. “The coach’s certainty is greater than the client’s doubt”. Flow zone.
- Solicit inputs and suggestions: “What was most valuable about today’s session”? “How could our sessions work better for you”.
Helps prevent client’s going MIA.
Connect the building of strong relationships to self determination theory.
Helps clients address 3 dimensions of self determination: autonomy, competence, and relatedness.
