Perception Checking (Three Steps)
- Step one – describe the person’s behavior in neutral terms (NO sarcasm or loaded language!)
•Step two – Offer two possible interpretations of the behavior.
•Step three – Ask for clarification
Self Concept
General perception of who we are
Reflected Appraisal (looking glass self)
- Our perception of how other people view us
- How we think other appraise us affect how we see ourselves
Social Comparison
- Noticing how we compare to those around us
- Hierarchy based as how the world appears to us
Self- Fulfilling Prophecy/ Pygmalion Effect
- Others expectations or judgements about us
- We behave in ways that are consistent with those expectations and judgments
- These “prophecies” that we fulfill are usually because we have internalized others’ perspectives and we allow their definitions to form how we act or what we do.
Managing Self Image
- Self Presentation
- Opinions of others do matter to us so we dress acceptably and practice daily hygiene
- Extreme personal presentations such as tattoos or
piercings – this shows a desire to present ourselves
to the world in a different way than the norm.
Emotional Flooding
- This is hindrance and occasionally a career killer!
- Someone creates a “scene” anywhere in public or private with significant interpersonal partners
- A person is being flooded or overcome with strong emotions, anger, disappointment, sadness, grief
I-Statements
- • Describe the person’s behavior to him/her (what he/she said or did) in very specific terms. (DO NOT EVALUATE!)
- Express how you feel about the person’s behavior (NOT how the person “made you feel”). Begin your sentence with “I feel (emotion) . . . OR “I get (emotion) . . .”
Example: “I feel frustrated…” (NOTE: Make sure you don’t have a hidden “you” message, like “I feel you acted like an inconsiderate jerk last night.”) - Express how his/her behavior affected you directly. HINT: You can complete the phrase above with “. . . when you (describe actual actions).” Example: “ . . .when you don’t pick me up on time.” (NOTE: Make sure you don’t insert a hidden “you” message here either, like: “ . . . when you acted like an inconsiderate jerk.”
Emotional Intelligence: Goleman’s Theory
This is the ability to understand and manage our emotions.
BE AWARE OF YOUR OWN FEELINGS
- Deal with emotions without being overcome by them
- Dont let setbacks derail you. No debilitative self talk!
- Understand how others feel without them spelling it out for you
- Recognize special norms for expressing emotions
- Be optimistic
Avoid Thinking Errors:
- Perfectionism
- Obsession with “shoulds”
- Helplessness (playing the victim)
Confirmation Bias
Confirming your beliefs without looking at someone else’s. And seeking info that supports what you believe.
False Dichotomy
Its either good or bad, black or white, wrong or right
Collective Inferential Error
Assume you know all that you need to know
Group Think
The Ultimate Peer Pressure, bad decision making, no teamwork
