What is the Merging of self & other?
Aron & Aron (1986)
We are driven to expand our self concept (one method is through a relationship)
:as we grow closer to a relationship partner, our self- concept expands to incorporate aspects of the other (identity / skills / perspectives / resources)
According to the Self-expansion model: People are motivated to expand their _____?
Potential efficacy
➢ Accrue resources, knowledge,
perspectives, abilities, identities, etc. that
make it possible to achieve future goals
Evidence of the self expansion model:
Longitudinal study on students falling in love
Ask students every 2 weeks over 10 weeks
- Describe their self-esteem, self-efficacy, & spontaneous self- concept
- Ask for significant life events
Found:
Those who fell in love = greater size / complexity in their self concept *more diverse traits)
- More self esteem and self efficacy
What is the Cognitive confusion of self & other?
In the self expansion model
Phase 1:
➢ Show a series of traits (ex. neat / kind)
➢ How well does this trait describe…
a) You
b) Partner
c) Stranger (media personality)
➢ Rated each trait for one type of target only
Then! surprise memory test
(Neat - Which target did u classify this as)
FOUND: You are more likely to mix up self and partner results (shows cognitive merging)
What do self expansion theorists argue” is the sensation of “falling in love””?
Movement toward desired goal is associated with positive affect
* Velocity with which we approach a desired goal is an important predictor of
affective experience
* Self-expansion is very rapid in early stages of the relationship—gives rise to
sense of exhilaration
Explain how the relationship between self-expansion & positive affect may be reciprocal?
Self-expansion fuels positive affect
* Positive affect, in turn, “broadens” our understanding of the world
➢Fosters curiosity & interest, desire for novelty, increased tendency to approach & engage with the world
Expanding = feels good
Feeling good = pushes us to explore more of the world
Expanding = feels good
In the roommate study, what does positive affect predict?
positive affect predicts more complex understanding of roommate and greater perception of self-other overlap
Self disclosure
When do we like people more?
Tend to like those who share personal information with us
* Also tend to like people better after disclosing personal information to them
Self expansions slows down over time in monogamous relationships, what can result from this?
may begin to look outside relationship if need for self-expansion is not being met
- Potential for future self-expansion negatively predicts susceptibility to infidelity
(Less self expansions = more likely to cheat)
Explain the Self-disclosure task
:Lab-based task for creating feelings of closeness
3 sets x 12 questions gradually escalating in intimacy within & across sets
FOUND:
Greater feelings of closeness with partner following disclosure task (relative to small-talk control)
* Does not matter if:
➢ Dyad was (mis)matched on important attitudes
➢ Ps expected to like each other
➢ Getting close was an explicit goal
* No difference between all-women and all-men pairs
What is Social penetration theory?
gradually move from exchanging superficial information to more intimate information over time
➢Breadth & depth of topics both increase, but breadth increases more quickly
* Balance desires for expansion & connection with desire to feel safe
***(approach & avoidance motives)
Why may some ppl not self-disclose?
(risks)
- Evaluation (could be judged negatively)
➢ E.g., excessive disclosure can be seen as
immature or needy - Maintenance (could disrupt the relationship)
- Defense (information could be used against you)
- Communication problems (could be difficult to talk about)
What is Perceived partner responsiveness?
degree to which:
➢ You believe that your partner understands your situation, emotions, needs, opinions (understand u)
➢ You believe that your partner values, respects, and validates your self
➢ You believe that your partner acts in ways that care for and support the self
- Key aspect of the development of intimacy
What is the Intimacy Process Model?
Our interactions build on each other
Ex. A’s initial disclosure is shaped by their motives / needs / desires
Person B’s response is shaped by their needs / fears
And both will subjectively interpret what the other says
A will decide if they feel understood / validated / cared for / shamed / etc
Support for intimacy process model
Study: Ask ppl what impacts the lvl of intimacy they feel
Provide information immediately after social interaction
* Perceptions of dating partner’s responsiveness mediated the effect of personal disclosures and the experience of intimacy
➢Disclosure on its own may not be sufficient for development of intimacy
So responsiveness of partner rlly impacts lvl of intimacy they feel
Conflict:
People want to be seen positively AND realistically
How to resolve this?
combine ”global adoration and specific accuracy”
- May prefer enhancement on critically important qualities (e.g., attractiveness)
but verification for less critically important qualities - May also wish for partners to understand how you see yourself without necessarily wanting them to agree
WHAT’S THE #1 TOPIC WE DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IN A FLEDGLING RELATIONSHIP?
“what are we convo”
Don’t wanna be too direct or impose
People do maneuvers to avoid the risk of being too direct:
Example with movie and confederate
Two tables and two chairs
- Attractive confederate
- No one (control)
High Ambiguity: “Oh maybe they’re sitting next to the attractive confederate cuz theres two diff movies and they like this movie”
Low Ambiguity (obvious): “Oh both tables are playing the same movie, they must be interested in the confederate”
Much more likely to sit next to them in high ambiguity
What is Trial intimacy moves ?
escalate physical or psychological intimacy to see how the other person responds
Indirect approaches:
Escalating touch/proximity
Reciprocity
Escalating touch/proximity =
move closer, see how the other person
responds
➢ Reciprocity = self-disclose, do they
reciprocate the disclosure
Indirect approaches:
What is Diminishing self
making self-deprecating comments in the hope of reassurance
➢ Maybe you want to talk to someone else here?
➢ You probably don’t find me very interesting
Indirect approaches:
What is Withdrawing
testing to see whether partner will
sustain the interaction
Indirect approaches:
What is Hazing
testing to see whether target will provide
some favour or service at cost to themselves
What is Pluralistic ignorance?
occurs when you observe others behaving similarly to you, but conclude that the behaviour reflects different underlying feelings & motivations
➢Recognize influence of social inhibitions on one’s own behaviour (e.g., fear of social disapproval, embarrassment) but not others’ behaviour
(Me= I don’t talk to ppl cuz i’m scared of rejection, but others don’t talk to me because they don’t like me)
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Class 114
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Class 261
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Class 315
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Class 433
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Class 529
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Class 619
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Class 724
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Class 823
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Class 915
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Class 1021
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Class 1133
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Class 1226
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Class 1322
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Class 14: Attachment 138
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Class 1526
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Class 1631
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Class 17: Sexuality 138
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Class 1842
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Class 19: Conflict 153
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Class 2041
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Class 21: Gaslighting8
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Class 22: Power, Influence, & Violence 132
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Class 2316
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Class 24: Relationship dissolution 17
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Class 2543
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Singlehood16
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Couples Therapy8
