Class 25

Question 1

What is Stress spillover?

Answer 1

stressors couples face are external to the relationship (e.g., financial strain, debt, high workloads) but these have the power to affect the relationship

Question 2

How does stress impact accomidation?

Answer 2

It interrupts

Makes it less likely you’ll accommodate

e.g., physiological arousal during marital
discussions is associated with increased negative reciprocity

Question 3

How does stress make you more aware of negativity?

Answer 3

Stress drives attentional shift to what is salient in the environment & heightens sensitivity to threat (e.g., an insensitive remark made by spouse)
➢Interferes with more complex forms of cognitive processing

Question 4

According to daily diary studies, when are spouses more likely to gave negative marital interactions?

Answer 4

negative marital interactions more likely to be reported on days that had been stressful
➢ Also more likely on weekdays vs. weekends

• Air traffic controller study
  ➢ Higher workload predicts greater withdrawal at home

Question 5

Enduring vulnerabilities affect both….

Answer 5

propensity to experience stress (path C in
model) and ability to cope with stressors (path B)—e.g.:

➢ Parental discord & divorce associated with lower accomplishment (path C) as
well as poorer social skills as adults (path B)
➢ Individuals high in negative affectivity (e.g., neuroticism) more likely to appraise
situations as stressful and make more negative attributions for partner
behaviour

Question 6

What strains relationships (Espc in queer couples)?

Answer 6

Disapproval from a couples social network

• Having a supportive social network may be especially important when facing other difficulties (e.g., financial strain)

Question 7

Historical trends in divorce?

Answer 7

• Increased since mid-1930s
• Appears to be slowing down, but 50% of marriages (in U.S.) will end in
  separation or divorce
• Why?

Question 8

Why divorce has increased?

1. Changes in expectations

Answer 8

Today we expect one person to provide it all (money, love, sex, adventure, etc)

% of ppl saying they’re v. happy = decrease
(cuz they have higher expectations)

Question 9

What is the disillusionment model

Answer 9

Predictor of divorce

Often start relationship: “la vie en rose”

the steep declines in relationship satisfaction produce instability

Question 10

Why divorce has increased?

2. Increasing individualism

Answer 10

• Western culture is becoming more individualistic
  ➢ Less tied to communities and less likely to live near extended family

We ask more of our spouse then we used to

Ex. ppl discuss important things with parent / sibiling / family less and partner more

We are also less affected by community norms that might discourage from
divorce

Question 11

Why divorce has increased?

3. Financial independence of women

Answer 11

Reduced barriers, higher quality of alternatives

Can leave unsatisfying relationships

Question 12

Why divorce has increased?

4.Changing perceptions of divorce

Answer 12

Less shameful to get divorced

Less likely to work hard to rescue a faltering
relationship when divorce seems like an easier alternative

Question 13

Why divorce has increased?

5. Increased exposure to divorce

Answer 13

There are more children of divorce: children who experience the divorce of their parents are more likely to divorce themselves when they become adults

• More of us have friends who are divorced: when others in our social network
  divorce, we’re more likely to do so to

Question 14

Divorce rates lower in Canada relative to the US & are also on the decline
* Why?

Answer 14

• Less ppl get married
• So ppl who do get married may be in stronger relationships (enduring dynamics)
  -Less high risk couples
• Ppl marry later and after education

Question 15

Breakup strategies

• Open confrontation

Answer 15

Openly and directly communicating
desire for breakup

” I wanna break up”

Question 16

Breakup strategies

• Distant/mediated communication

Answer 16

Not face to face

Though mediated channel (ex. note / social media)

Question 17

Breakup strategies

• Positive tone/self-blame

Answer 17

Taking responsibility for the breakup, trying to spare partner’s feelings

“it’s not you, it’s me”

Question 18

Breakup strategies

• De-escalation

Answer 18

Taking responsibility for the breakup, trying to spare partner’s feelings

“Maybe we should take a break”

Question 19

Breakup strategies

• Avoidance/withdrawal

Answer 19

Increasing distance, decreasing
intimacy & affection

• Fade out gradually

Question 20

Breakup strategies

• Cost escalation

Answer 20

Increasing partner’s costs to motivate them to break up with you first

Make partner so miserable u push them to dump you (fights / nitpicking / etc)

Question 21

Breakup strategies

• Manipulation

Answer 21

Tell friend _______, and let news get back to your partner that you want to break up

• Or just start dating someone else

Question 22

Which breakup strategies are indirect?

Answer 22

avoidance/withdrawal

Question 23

Indirect strategies (e.g., avoidance/withdrawal) are associated with …

Answer 23

negative post-breakup outcomes, such as anger and distress
* Signal lack of caring and compassion for the recipient

• Direct strategies are perceived more positively (shows u cared enough to have the difficult convo)

Question 24

How does use of positive tone e.g., taking responsibility for breakup impact the dumpee?

Answer 24

• ppl view it as compassion
  
  • BUT associated with depression later

Why?

Often ppl use it to “leave the door open”
- Might re-enter relationship later
- Churning (mixed signals/ on again off again)

• Used more of dumper feels dumpee can’t cope

Question 25

When are people more likely to use direct strategies?

Answer 25

Direct strategies more likely when intimacy, closeness, & social network overlap are high; indirect strategies more likely when intimacy & closeness are low

Question 26

Which breakup strategies do Attachment avoidance ppl use?

Answer 26

➢ More indirect strategies (e.g., avoidance/withdrawal) ➢ Fewer strategies that leave door open to reconnection (e.g., positive tone)

Question 27

Which breakup strategies do Attachment anxiety ppl use?

Answer 27

➢ Strategies that allow for later reconnection and postpone the breakup (e.g., positive tone/self-blame and de-escalation) - Consistent with research on stay/leave decision conflicts, association between attachment anxiety & tendency to have on-again/off-again relationships (More churning)

Question 28

What is Ghosting?

Answer 28

Breaking up by avoiding online & offline contact, without providing an explicit breakup declaration or explanation for breakup

Question 29

Why is ghosting so upsetting?

Answer 29

lack causal clarity (cannot identify the precipitating event) * This lack of causal clarity further compounds psychological distress ➢ Targets who are unable to attribute rejection to a specific cause suffer greater threats to their sense of belonging & self-esteem ➢ Understanding aversive events is an important part of coping ➢ May ruminate on possible causes, generating large amount of self-deprecating attributions

Question 30

Why is the silent treatment heard in longer relationships?

Answer 30

Causal clarity refusing to offer explanation reduces the likelihood that the target will engage in restorative action (i.e., is counterproductive)

Question 31

Why do people ghost?

Answer 31

➢ Feelings of disinterest - Those with stronger destiny beliefs more likely to ghost—generally, not interested in maintaining positive relationship post-breakup ➢ Scriptlessness ➢ Not wanting to cause pain ➢ Desire to avoid confrontation or potential danger

Question 32

Why does ghosting often backfire?

Answer 32

Ghostees often attempt to reach out for connection and/or closure, seek more information (e.g., through monitoring social media)

Question 33

Explicit rejection and passive exclusion (including ghosting) give rise to distinct motivational states? Explain them 1. Prevention focus (rejection) 2. Promotion focus (exclusion)

Answer 33

➢ Rejection tends to activate prevention focus (heightened sensitivity to loss, motivation to avoid further harm → pulling back) ➢ Exclusion activates tends to activate promotion focus (heightened sensitivity/attention to potential gains, motivation to restore connection → efforts to re-engage)

Question 34

What does rejection bring?

Answer 34

prevention focus Avoid relationship

Question 35

What does exclusion bring?

Answer 35

Promotion focus Effort to re-engage

Question 36

How do people react after dissolution?

Answer 36

- Stress, sadness, anger, low self-esteem, loss of appetite, trouble sleeping - Romantic breakups in young adulthood increase risk for negative mental health outcomes, including first onset of major depressive disorder

Question 37

When are people less impacted during a break up?

Answer 37

When they are the dumper (mixed findings tho)

Question 38

How can we use attachment theory to explain strength of negative reactions following relationship dissolution

Answer 38

➢ Termination of relationship represents loss of safe haven and secure base; necessitates re-organization of attachment hierarchy (for both partners

Question 39

Whats the social pain theory?

Answer 39

social attachment system built on top of physical pain systems ➢ One potential reason that breakups may hurt so much is because they engage some of the same brain mechanisms involved in physical pain

Question 40

How can we use self expansion theory to explain strength of negative reactions following relationship dissolution

Answer 40

Breakups generate distress by leading to contraction & destabilization of self-concept ➢ Size of self-concept & self-concept clarity (extent to which feel certain about aspects of the self and perceive them to be internally consistent & temporally stable) ➢ Particularly true for those who experienced more self-expansion in relationship ➢ Rediscovering sense of self is associated with better breakup recovery and breakup- related growth

Question 41

How can ppl get over a breakup?

Answer 41

* Adjustment takes time, but distress does fade * Don’t stalk their social media * Don’t ruminate, but do reflect * Seek support * Remind yourself of alternatives (especially if you’re higher in attachment anxiety) * Pursue self-expanding activities and rediscover your sense of self * Remember that you are a worthwhile human being, in or outside of a relationship