How may deactivating strategies of avoidant people cause them to miss out on social rewards?
- They don’t feel as bad when partner acts coldly
BUT: Also applies to positive events
(When partner acts warmly = doesn’t feel as good)
(Note: Not just romantic, but with friends too)
Study on how avoidant people miss out on social rewards: in fledgling relationships (evaluating dating profiles)
What did they find?
- High responsiveness target (real potential for intimacy)
- Low responsiveness target (Lowkey mid)
Found: They downgrade #1
- Don’t want to get “hopes up”
Just a side note:
What do secure people expect when they reach out to others?
What do avoidant people expect?
Secure = Expect others will respond with care and support
Avoidant = Expect rejection / punishment / indifference
(think its futile or at worst dangerous)
- They avoid this pain but at the cost of social rewards
How did avoidant people learn to behave that way?
- Have learned that proximity seeking may lead to punishment (inattention,
rejection, hostility, etc.) - Thus, proximity seeking is futile at best, dangerous at worst
- Instead, emphasize self-reliance
➢ Tendency to see reliance on others & autonomy as incompatible
Do people with avoidant attachment seek proximity when under distress? (Study)
Couples
Partner A = Scary mystery task (they’re scared)
Secure = Proximity seeking behaviour (equal to lvl of distress they feel)
Avoidant = More distress = Less likely to seek support
How do avoidant people act with self - disclosure?
Associated with low levels of self-disclosure
➢Contributes to less satisfaction with social support
➢Less closeness after the 36 questions task
How do avoidant people act with:
Seeking partner information?
With partner distress?
Also seek less information about their partner
- Uncomfortable with partner distress
➢ Higher levels of partner distress associated with greater withdrawal both in
support provision and conflict contexts
➢ Avoidant men also react with anger when partner who is in need of support expresses high levels of distress
According to Bowbly, what does he mean by “Attachment styles are both Stable and Labile”?
➢Stable: provide sense of continuity despite some change environment
➢Labile: help adapt to changes in environment and relationships with
different people
What do Internal working models do?
Working models—like other schemas—direct attention & influence the way
we interpret, store, & recall information
How are Internal working models self-perpetuating?
Continuity between early + later attachment feeling / behaviour
= Perceptual confirmation
- Hyper sensitive to rejection (RS ppl)
-E.g., being overly attentive to signs of inattention may perpetuate anxious
individuals’ insecurity
= Behavioural confirmation
- Act in ways that makes our expectancies come true
- E.g., avoidants’ cold behaviour may drive away partners—confirming idea
that others cannot be relied on
With attachment styles: How can we see within-person variation in attachment security across different attachment figures?
Ex. The way you relate to mom may not necessarily be the same as you relate to your romantic partner
How can people have many relationship schemas? (and how can they be different?)
E.g., even individuals with a global avoidant or anxious orientation have access to
secure representations
- Can be made more accessible in certain context
Ex. Do I see Mom when stressed = No, Keep it to myself (avoidant)
Do I seek Sister when stressed = Yes, Seek proximity (Secure)
(We have a network of relational schemas that can be activated)
Do people experience shifts in global attachment styles?
When might they do this most?
At least 40% of people experience changes in global attachment orientation
over their lifetime
Why? Stressors / important life conditions
Ex.
* Health crises
* Bereavement
* Beginning or ending of important romantic relationships
* Marriage & parenthood
Major stressors & transitions may provide important diagnostic situations about
others’ availability & responsiveness (for better or for worse (Will others help u)
What is top down processing with schemas
What is bottom up processing with schemas?
Have focused on top-down processing
* E.g., how schemas shape information processing
Schema influences how u access partner behaviour
But role for bottom-up processing as well—partner behaviour matters!
Partner behaviour influences your thinking
Trust toward partner and perceived goal validation associated with______________?
lower insecurity
- Trust = sense that partner can be relied on (safe haven)
- Perceived goal validation = sense that partner supports one’s goal pursuits
(secure base)
What type of support is helpful?
(Avoidant ppl)
What helps in the short term is different then what will help long term
Goal Validation = Good in short term
Trust = Good in long term
- This will challenge negative expectations of relationships
Is goal validation only useful short term?
(Anxious ppl)
Goal validation helps anxious ppl in the long run
- they aren’t confident in themselves
“your goals and dreams matter”
What is a major issue with offering avoidant people social support?
They often refuse social support (or resist)
- They view support as a threat to their autonomy and independence
But mixed findings if its actually helpful
Types of support:
- Emotional
- Practical Instrumental
- Emotional support = expression of comfort & caring
- Practical/instrumental support = provision of tangible resources & aid, problem solving
Which type of support is best for avoidantly attached individuals?
Practical support
Unlike emotional support, does not require the kind of discussion of emotions, affection, intimacy, etc. that avoidants are uncomfortable with
(Ex. do more chores)
How does your level (intensity) of support matter?
If too low = ambiguous (they might assume ur not doing anything)
This will confirm their expectation that you cannot be depended on
Which level of practical support is best for avoidant people?
a. Low
b. Moderate
c. High
d. Very high
C and D
How can non verbal support (Ex. Touch & responsiveness) help relationships?
Can signal care, affection and concern
means through which partners regulate each other’s emotion
Contributes to sense of security, boosts positive affect, alleviates pain, stress, &
psychological distress (safe haven, in attachment terms)
- Signals the “all-clear” to the central nervous system, downregulating
metabolically expensive stress responses and reducing threat vigilance - Can therefore be considered a nonverbal form of responsiveness
- Increases sense of intimacy
Avoidantly attached individuals engage in less touch (less comfortable with intimacy) Why?
They still benefit from it like everyone else
- Feel it helps u be closer to partner
But they do it to AVOID intimacy
Findings: they might benefit from it more tho since:
Tend to be distrustful of others; nonverbal communication perceived as more trustworthy than verbal
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Class 114
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Class 261
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Class 315
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Class 433
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Class 529
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Class 619
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Class 724
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Class 823
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Class 915
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Class 1021
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Class 1133
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Class 1226
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Class 1322
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Class 14: Attachment 138
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Class 1526
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Class 1631
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Class 17: Sexuality 138
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Class 1842
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Class 19: Conflict 153
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Class 2041
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Class 21: Gaslighting8
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Class 22: Power, Influence, & Violence 132
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Class 2316
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Class 24: Relationship dissolution 17
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Class 2543
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Singlehood16
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Couples Therapy8
