WHY ARE COUPLES WHO LIVE
TOGETHER BEFORE GETTING ENGAGED
MORE LIKELY TO BE DISSATSFIED IN
THEIR MARRIAGE AND GET DIVORCED?
Often ppl who cohabitate “slide into it”
- Just cuz convenient, don’t even realize how it happened
But engagement / marriage before is an active commitment
What is Relationship inertia?
arises when couples make early investments (e.g., moving in together, sharing finances) that increase difficulty of breaking up, so partners may “slide into staying together or marrying without making a deliberate decision to do so, even when the relationship is not satisfying
What are Exchange relationship?
governed by explicit norms of even exchange (tit- for-tat)
➢ Keep track of each other’s contributions
➢ Expect immediate repayment for benefit given, and more comfortable repaying others right away
Communal relationships?
governed by genuine concern for welfare of the other
➢ Avoid strict cost accounting
➢ Do favours & make sacrifices without expecting explicit repayment
What is Motivated reasoning?
In committed, relationships, tend to process information in a way that supports relationship maintenance
➢ Faults into virtues
➢ Seeing one’s relationship as better than everyone else’s
➢ Unwarranted optimism about the future
What is Accommodation?
greater willingness to respond to destructive acts with
constructive response
➢ E.g., suggesting discussion, waiting out the storm, biting tounge, de-escalate conflict
Why people do this:
- They’re focused on maintaining relationship (+ satisfied in relationship)
- Committed and Invested
- Few attractive alternatives
Study on inattention to alternatives:
IAT
Single and highly committed participants
IAT press if u see dot or square
(so fast that if they press square, it means they were staring at face long)
Primed with romantic/sexual thoughts
Single: Paid more attention to attractive faces
Committed people: They filter out faces that threaten their relationship
What is Derogation of alternatives?
tendency to downplay the attractiveness or
desirability of potential alternative partners
➢ E.g., people in relationships rate attractive strangers less favourably than
single people
* Commitment predicts devaluation of attractive (threatening) but not unattractive (non-threatening) alternatives
(only degrade attractive alternatives)
What is the Commitment calibration hypothesis?
(Derogation of alternatives)
Commitment maintenance response
may emerge when level of threat is
commensurate/comparable with level of commitment
➢ I.e., will not emerge when level of threat
is either higher or lower than level of
commitment
(if high commitment, react to high threat)
Commitment calibration hypothesis study:
(older married participants - told they’re testing a new dating service)
Create & evaluate dating profile
Moderate threat condition: Asked to rate their photo and bio
High threat condition: target chose YOU
Found:
Ppl with low commitment = don’t use DOA
High commitment: DOA applied when high threat
Moderate commitment: DOA applied when moderate threat
Sum: DOA is deployed in proportion to commitment threat
Who is most likely to engage in derogation of alternatives, according to
the commitment calibration hypothesis?
a) Alex, who is moderately committed to their partner and encounters an attractive, flirty co-worker
b) Jordan, who is deeply committed to their long-term partner and encounters an attractive, flirty co-worker
c) Taylor, who is dating casually and sees an attractive model on TV
d) Casey, who is deeply committed to their partner and sees an attractive model on TV
b) Jordan, who is deeply committed to their long-term partner and encounters an attractive, flirty co-worker
What is Sacrifice in a relationship?
giving up one’s immediate self-interest for one’s partner
➢ May be active (doing something you don’t want to do) or passive (giving up
something you want to do)
Evidence for reciprocity—when one partner makes sacrifices, the other tends
to feel more committed and increase their own investment
Approach motivation for sacrifice:
Gain positive outcomes, which is known as an approach motivation
➢ E.g., make partner happy, grow intimacy
Avoid motivation for sacrifice:
Avoid negative outcomes, which is known as an avoidance motivation
➢ E.g., avoid conflict, prevent partner from losing interest
What are some cognitive consequences for sacrificing to avoid negative outcomes?
o Biases attention toward negative stimuli
o Enhances memory for negative stimuli
o Increases negative construals of ambiguous/neutral events
What u tell urself is more important then the action itself
- Construals of ambiguous events especially lead to more conflict
Results of Approach reasons for sacrifice?
more positive affect, greater relationship & life satisfaction, less conflict, less chance of breaking up 1 month later
Results of Avoid reasons for sacrifice?
more negative affect, less relationship & life satisfaction, more conflict, likelihood of breaking up 1 month late
If you perceive your partner as sacrificing for approach reasons, what do you think?
Perceiving partner as sacrificing for approach reasons associated with more
positive affect, life & relationship satisfaction
If you perceive your partner as sacrificing for avoid reasons, what do you think?
Perceiving partner as sacrificing for avoidance reasons associated with less
positive affect, life & relationship satisfaction
➢ Experience of reward may not be as simple as getting the outcome we
want
Is sacrificing for avoidance motivations
always bad?
Sacrificing for avoidant reasons may be costly because undermines one’s sense of authenticity
* The extent to which this happens depends on the extent on the level of interdependent self-construal
What is interdependent self-construal?
—the extent to which you define yourself in relationship to others
➢ Low: see self as independent, distinct from others
➢ High: see self as deeply interconnected
- Interdependent self-construal acts as a buffer, protecting against emotional
and relational costs of avoidant sacrifice
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Class 114
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Class 261
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Class 315
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Class 433
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Class 529
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Class 619
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Class 724
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Class 823
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Class 915
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Class 1021
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Class 1133
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Class 1226
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Class 1322
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Class 14: Attachment 138
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Class 1526
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Class 1631
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Class 17: Sexuality 138
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Class 1842
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Class 19: Conflict 153
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Class 2041
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Class 21: Gaslighting8
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Class 22: Power, Influence, & Violence 132
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Class 2316
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Class 24: Relationship dissolution 17
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Class 2543
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Singlehood16
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Couples Therapy8
