norm of reciprocity
Social norm
People reciprocate + expect others to reciprocate
Survival value
Norm ensures a cycle of helping and mutual care
norm of reciprocity in conflict
If you behave in some way towards others, expect the same in return
types of reciprocity
- spontaneous and unspoken
- negotiated
(we like spontaneous more)
4 ways to dodge criticism
- justify
- deny
- counter-complain
- pass
justifying criticism
Provide an excuse or explanation in advance
Doesn’t deny criticism is warranted but implies person being criticised should not be held accountable given the extenuating circumstances
denying criticism
Saying that criticism is wrong
Refusing to take in criticism
counter-complaining criticism
Levelling criticism back at critic
Changing focus from own behaviour back to partner
passing critcism
Failing to respond to criticism
Ignore or avoid criticism
how to deliver criticism
- Is your criticism necessary?
- Before criticising, establish whether criticism is valid/necessary - Use “I” statements
- Using only “you” statements positions blame on the other person
- ‘you never listen’ vs ‘I don’t feel heard’ - Perspective
- Acknowledge both yours and their perspectives
Positive face threat
hurts things we value and feel positive about. Undermines our desires to be accepted, respected and valued by others. Threatens relationship face.
negative face threat
criticism makes us look bad in the eyes of others, constrains our choices
relational complaints
Criticise someone about what they are doing within relationship, or how relationship is going
behavioural complaints
Criticise someone about something that they did, or are doing
dispositional complaints
Criticising someone about who they are as a person
how to apply criticism
- deliver in private
- be fair in criticism
- watch your tone
- have clarity
- what is the motive?
- do you have the authority?
Independent self-construals
Typical of western cultures
People see themselves as separate/distant
Goal is to discover what is unique/special about self
Strive for individualism and autonomy
interdependent self-construals
Typical of eastern cultures
People see themselves in light of social relationships
Social context determines behaviour
Described as collectivist/relational
independent cultures value:
Directness
Expressing themselves
Achieving own goals
Saying what’s on their mind
interdependent cultures value:
Belonging/fitting in
Indirect communication
Working towards social harmony
independent vs interdependent
for people from interdependent cultures, the norm of negative reciprocity may not apply when it comes to close others, as they are seen as part of the self
Interdependent cultures as more concerned with saving other face in conflict than their own.
