stated preferences
Who we think we want and like
Ask people to rate how important different traits are when selecting mates
revealed preferences
confidence
If someone is confident we believe they must have something to be confident about
Link between confidence and romantic desirability
Arrogance however is unattractive
We are less likely to approach person of interest if they perceived competitor to be confident
conformity
Women tend to emphasise that they are conformists
Men make efforts to stand out
Results show both men and women preferred people who communicate non-conformity
intelligence
Communicated through words, ideas, conversations
We prefer high intelligence profiles on dating apps
interest
Displaying interest -> reciprocal liking
We want to feel special, specifically chosen
kindness
direct opposition
Criticising, derogating, blaming
Expressing anger, irritation
Demanding change
similarity
Opposites attract – we look for what we don’t have ourselves
Yet research says we want a clone of ourselves
Couples that work tend to be matching on: social attitudes, age, religiosity, intelligence, political attitudes, attractiveness
indirect cooperation
Softening conflict, minimising problem
Expressing love and affection
Emphasising positives, restraining negative reactions
Optimism for future
direct cooperation
Reasoning and negotiation
Discussing causes and consequences of problem
Generating solution, exploring alternatives
direct opposition can produce…
change in targeted relationship problem -> relationship satisfaction
indirect opposition
Emphasising hurt, sadness
Inducing guilt, sympathy
Appealing to partners love, obligations
direct cooperation can produce…
positive relationship changes over time
indirect opposition and indirect cooperation are
ineffective
what is global and sexual self-esteem
How we feel about ourselves generally vs How we feel about ourselves in the domain of sex (skills, experiences, attractiveness, control)
if confident in both we are more able to communicate openly about sex
sexual assertiveness
The extent to which we feel able to ask for what we want
Greater sexual assertiveness predicts more positive attitudes towards sexual consent
People socialised to view sex negatively =
lower sexual agency (vice versa)
Communication was a stronger predictor of women’s orgasm than
a physical trait
Being scared of rejection negatively alters our communication with our partners ->
increases chance of rejection
We tend to use … for people we know (I hope we can stay friends)
future contact statements
We tend to use… for people we don’t know
apologies
We tend to be … to those in our social circle than when we have no ties with someone
politer
Most compassionate rejection is
direct other-oriented strategy (openly acknowledge desire to end relationship while protecting partners self-esteem)
